For die-hard Twi-hards, we’re sure this weekend’s premier of the penultimate installment in the Twilight saga, “Breaking Dawn — Part 1” will be everything they were hoping for and more. For the rest of us though it’s
just another occasion to make fun of the insanity that seems to emanate from Stephanie Meyer’s brain.
As a special Friday treat, we’ve collected some of the best burns from today’s “Breaking Dawn” reviews, so you can join in on the mockery too! Enjoy:
Coming in at number one, Rotten Tomatoes editorializes in its summary, calling the movie “slow, joyless, and loaded with unintentionally humorous moments.”
“The tagline states, ‘Forever is only the beginning…’ After viewing
this lifeless pap for mere minutes, we realize that it’s not a slogan
at all. It’s a warning,” critic Kimberly Gadette of Doddle says.
Todd McCarthy of The Hollywood Reporter noted the Harry Potter series’ success in splitting its final installment in two, and observed “the same cannot be said of this series ender, which feels as bloated and anemic as Bella becomes during her pregnancy.”
Michael Philips of the Chicago Tribune says that although the film has flashes of brilliance (mostly in the grotesque birthing scene), most of the film leaves you checking your watch: “A significant number of its 117 minutes do seem like hours, and whenever certain actors take the lead and set the pace of the dialogue, time itself begins to crawl backward and the breaking dawn begins to feel like yesterday’s breaking dawn, or last Tuesday’s.”
Even the Los Angles Times, the hometown paper of Hollywood, was displeased, and took it out on the film in the most devious of ways: with puns! “The film doesn’t have nearly the bite — ferocious or delicious — that any self-respecting vampire movie really should. It’s as if all the life has drained away.”
The winner, though, was Dan Kois of the Village Voice, who snarked, “‘Breaking Dawn’ is both overlong and understuffed. I lived a thousand lifetimes watching it, and died a thousand deaths. (The worst one was when Edward looked up “immortalicum” on Yahoo! search. On Yahoo! search!)”
Truly, this is not a good film.
