1. Adult education. U.S. Prez Barack Obama raised eyebrows at the APEC summit in Hawaii with his comments regarding China’s economic responsibility. Obama stated that now that they’re afull-grown economic power, it is time to “Act like a grownup.” China’s delegates responded by saying, “I know you are, but what am I?”
2. Stick it to da man! An Ontario man drove his car through the front doors of Waterloo Regional Police headquarters last Sunday. Police believe it was deliberate because, instead of stopping, hecontinued driving around the reception desk before crashing into a vending machine. No one was hurt, but the man’s Twix bar did remain lodged on the coil dispenser, and his change was neverreturned. That is frustrating.
3. Where my drugs at? Apparently Canada is experiencing some dubious medication shortages. Health Canada says their only concern is drug safety, while distributionis left to the pharmaceutical companies. The reason for the shortage is unknown as is the extent and impact because our government does not collect such data. To be fair though, the shortagewill not affect the majority of Canadians. It’s really just the sick people.
4. Hands off. Brief note in case of ambiguity: Showering with your 11-year-old son at the gym — fine. Showering with someone else’s 11-year-old son — NOT FINE! Any questions, Penn State?
5. Smooth Criminal. Last week, Michael Jackson’s personal physician, Dr. Conrad Murray, was found guilty of involuntary manslaughter for negligence believed to have caused the singer’s death in 2009. He faces up to four years in prison while Michael’s plastic surgeons get off scot-free.
6. Too much too soon. Seventeen-year-old Justin Bieber recently dished out 100,000 pounds on a new Range Rover with a custom sound system worth 50,000 pounds. This is just one of many for Justin, including aBatman-themed Cadillac and a Ferrari, which he recently smashed. When I was 17, my parents grounded me for a fender-bender in my mom’s 1978 Monte Carlo. Just saying.
7. In yo’ face. Just when we thought they were close to an agreement, the NBA lockout hit an impasse this week. With a shortened season looming, millionaires on both sides could not arrive at an answer to thequestion “How many millions is too many millions?” The likely answer now is “No millions at all.”
8. Sweet Jesus. Canadian comic Russell Peters will perform a nativity sketch in his Christmas special, which airs on CTV and The Comedy Network in December. He has chosen Pamela Anderson to play the Virgin Mary, which is funny because it marks the first time her name and the word “virgin” have ever appeared next to each other in the same sentence.
9. A sad farewell. Canadian comic Stewart Silver passed away suddenly at age 44 this week. A national Yuk Yuk’s mainstay for the past two decades, fellow Montrealer,dear friend and all-around good guy will be sorely missed. On behalf of the entire comedic community, I offer our condolences to his family.
We thank you for the laughs. R.I.P.