Survivor host Jeff Probst.

I’VE GOT A LUVVERLY BUNCH OF COCONUTS: For those of you without much interest in Micronesian and South Sea politics, there was a military coup on the island state of Fiji this week, which happens to be where the 14th season of Survivor is currently filming, as part of its quest to slowly morph the show into an infomercial for Hedonism Resorts.

Of course, the first thing that comes to mind whenever I hear the words “military coup” are: “Is host Jeff Probst safe?”

Entertainment Weekly was able to reach Probst by e-mail on the island 30 minutes by air from Suva, Fiji’s capital, where the Fijian army is holding prime minister Laisenia Qarase under house arrest.

“To be shooting Survivor while the host country is in the midst of a coup is a bit surreal for all of us here in Fiji,” wrote Probst, who added that “(e)veryone here is safe and the disruptions thus far have been minimal. We had a few production staff stationed in Suva that we brought back to base camp, and during the past week any crew members that were scheduled to fly to location were unable to due to flight cancellations. Otherwise, we have continued filming without interruption.”

The U.S. State Department has condemned the coup and suspended economic aid to the country, but suspicions were aroused late yesterday when there were reports that Commodore Frank Bainimarama, Fiji’s military leader and instigator of the coup, was involved in a contest with Qarase involving an underwater obstacle course, a canoe full of colour-coded coconuts, two flags at the top of a pole and a cryptic puzzle to decide who would lead the country.

(NOT) DANCING QUEEN: Sarah “Fergie” Ferguson, the Duchess of York, has yet to deny her continuing interest, but Jennifer Aniston has definitively quashed any rumours that she’d appear on Dancing With The Stars.

“There’s absolutely no truth whatsoever to that story,” Aniston told the New York Post.

In related news, George Clooney will not be appearing on the next season of Gene Simmons Family Jewels as the nosy neighbour who keeps barging into the Simmons household uninvited, Gary Busey will not be replacing Alan Colmes on Fox News’ Hannity & Colmes, the next season of Lost will not discover the cast of Charles In Charge in an unexplored baggage compartment of the plane wreckage, and Tucker Carlson will not be starring alongside Molly Ringwald as a separated couple forced to pretend they’re still together for a home makeover reality show, in a CW sitcom tentatively called Tucker Pucker.

Just thought it was time we cleared all that up.


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