Second time around carries different vibe

Let’s talk about dating the second time around.

It’s not the same as when you first got interested in the opposite sex. Often during those teenage years of dating, it was all about holding hands, getting a soda, and going to the movies — when every accidental brush of a hand sent shivers up your spine.

Nor is it similar to those years of dating in your 20s, when you each had your own apartment, roommates, jobs, and activities to share.


Dating the second time around is a totally different ball game. Obviously, you’re older, and with age comes responsibility. So more than likely, you have a proper job for which you need to be awake and alert in the morning. What does that mean?

Well, you can’t go out bar hopping, socializing, and drinking until the wee hours.

The probable alcoholic hangover and the physical effort from staying out late just don’t pair well with an early morning breakfast meeting. Besides, is that really where you wish to meet your potential life partner?

There are also the life experiences that you’re inevitably coming out of, such as divorce or death of a partner. And though we should never share our life stories, fears and insecurities on the first date, nor should we discuss past lives, it’s nearly impossible not to mention the last most important relationship — especially if it just ended.

And for so many second-time daters, there are children involved, which means that you’re not that easily available. Planning a date is more of a scheduling headache than it used to be. It’s not just your two schedules that have to match up, it’s that of your children’s and oftentimes, even your exes, that all have to work together in your favour.

So, in many ways, dating the second time around just isn’t that easy.

However, in some ways, it’s mellower. With age and maturity often comes confidence and self-assurance, even if new feelings of uncertainty arise when it comes to dating.

My advice: Be yourself. Though that may sound like nothing new, it’s almost more important this time around. There’s no room — or time — for pretending or posing.

Accept setups from friends and family, but get a second opinion before wasting your precious time. Open yourself up to trying new things, like certain singles events, but ascertain whether the other singles have any similar interests. For example, if you’re a city girl, perhaps a singles camping weekend isn’t your style, and probably the men you’d meet there wouldn’t be those with whom you could connect.

One thing is certain about dating the second time around: The control is in your hands.

It’s up to you whether you wish to relive your younger days, dating on a nightly basis; serial date to meet lots of people; or focus your efforts on meeting that special someone with whom to share your life.

It’s your life and your choice.

Lisi Tesher is a much travelled freelance writer who has studied art history, photography, languages and pop culture. She is also a constant and fascinated student of relationships, maintaining contact with a worldwide network.

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