I’ve been dating this great girl for a several months. There are many things I like about her and there are things I don’t. She is really

 

into horoscopes and sees a spiritual adviser on a regular basis, and relies on this to make decisions. I’m all for reading the scope on birthdays and having fun with the fortune cookie, but to this extreme bothers me. What does this say about her?

 

It sounds like you’re moving into that important phase of a relationship called reality, usually occurring after four to six months when couples begin to act as they truly are, not trying to impress the other.

 

At the core of your concern are the differences in how you two problem-solve. She relies on external factors to make decisions. Yours are more intrinsically-based. You must decide if this issue is a dealbreaker or if you can learn to accept it.

Do note though, the more you focus on the perceived negatives, the less likely it is you’ll have a successful relationship.

There are both benefits and drawbacks to relying on horoscopes and spiritual advisors. They provide a sense of structure and routine to one’s day — similar to the morning coffee. The problem with relying on horoscopes and spiritual advisers is that there’s an inherent drive towards a self-fulfilling prophecy. This might lead to draw unfounded conclusions about someone simply based on their zodiac sign.

– Jonathan Alpert is a licensed psychotherapist. E-mail him your questions at jonathan@jonathanalpert.com

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