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Eva Longoria says Marc Cherry, creator of Desperate Housewives, has told her not to get pregnant.

NO MORE WOMB: According to Eva Longoria, the women of Wisteria Lane have been told by Marc Cherry, the creator of Desperate Housewives, to try and keep their knees together until the end of this season. Longoria, who told Ellen DeGeneres that she’d like to have as many kids “as God will give,” also said that the pregnancy of fellow cast member Marcia Cross is making his job much harder.

“(I)t’s just difficult because our work schedule is so crazy and you know Marcia Cross is pregnant,” Longoria told DeGeneres on her daytime chat show, “and so Marc Cherry came on the set and he was ‘like no more pregnancies this year ... they’re really hard to write in.’”

In the downtown Toronto residential neighbourhood where I live, there are prams, strollers and nannies everywhere, and on any given day in the park where my kids play, you’ll see at least one pregnant mom.

Obviously, Cherry is trying to turn Wisteria Lane into a vision of the least fecund family suburb in America, if not the world. If this keeps up, he’ll have to change the name of the show to Three Mile Island, to account for the apparent epidemic of sterility. Of course, it would help if the murder and suicide rate on Wisteria Lane wasn’t at least double that of the birth rate.

CRIKEY, THAT MUST HAVE HURT: Barely two weeks after his tragic death, there’s a rumour that Australian conservationist and TV personality Steve “Crocodile Hunter” Irwin will be played by Russell Crowe, a friend of Irwin’s, in a biopic to be produced by Universal.

“The actor was so touched by Steve’s enthusiasm for his job,” said a story on the U.K. tabloid The Sun’s website, “and feels a movie would be a fitting tribute to the wildlife expert’s life.” Of course, for those of us who always dreamed of seeing Irwin punch out a crocodile or two, followed by some venomous snakes and a dingo, before throwing a telephone at a family of koalas, this would be something like a dream come true.

OUR READERS WRITE: Toronto photographer Steve Lungley responded to my invitation for readers to review all the new fall network shows I’m too arrogant and lazy to watch with his take on Smith, the CBS crime thriller starring Ray Liotta and Virginia Madsen:

“I sat down to watch the inaugural episode of Smith with great hope; its promos promising a long-form caper flick. I was praying for a crew of thieves that thrived on smarts, savvy, wits and charm and instead — with the intro of the secondary characters — we got a cold killer and a violent femme.

“I anticipated smartly plotted heists with clever getaways and instead stuff blowed-up real good and innocent people got shot dead.

“I’m supposed to follow the adventures of team shoot-em-in-the-back?

“At the end of the episode the title character comments that he’s only good for 3-4 more jobs, then he’s out. Sounds like the episode cancellation order.”