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PRETTY UGLY: There are less than 10 days left before the deadline for applications for the next season of Canada’s Next Top Model, so get your finger out of your throat and use it to type out www.citytv.comon your computer thingie before it’s too late. You can have the dry heaves anytime, darling.
“If you’re a female between the ages of 18-27,” read Citytv’s press release yesterday, “and think you’ve got what it takes to be one of 10 young women who can make it in the high-stress, high-stakes world of modelling, then don’t miss your opportunity to show us!”
The show is scheduled to start airing in the spring, so it looks like the 10 aspiring clothes racks will once again have to bunk together in the depth of another Canadian winter. Is it any wonder that people from Ohio and Buffalo think it snows here in June?
The producers of CNTM are obviously dead set on this whole winter thing, so they might as well move the show one big step further — instead of setting the next season in some provincial town like Victoria, why not go for that whole Glenn Gould “Idea of North” thing and go above the tree line? Film the next season in Yellowknife or Iqualuit, board the girls in an ice hotel constructed especially for the show, and fly in host Jay Manuel and the judges on bush planes with ice skis. It’ll make Red Green look like Miami Vice, and pull in the whole survivalist/extreme sport crowd, a male demographic the show’s ignored for far too long.
There’s probably a government slush fund designed to subsidize such a thing — likely a Liberal party legacy that the auditors haven’t discovered yet, set up to launder campaign contributions — and plenty of sportswear companies happy to provide their choicest sub-zero clothing free for a plug. (Just stay away from the fur thing — it’s a minefield.)
And besides, if you can’t look fierce in -25 C temperatures, in an off-the-shoulder silk chemise, pedal pushers and five-inch heels, then you should probably go back to the checkout counter at the Home Hardware in Kirkland Lake. (I checked — there is one. Hats off to the nice people at Grant Home Hardware Building Centre on Kirkland Street East!)
NINE BALL IN THE REAR POCKET: Joe Gannascoli, better known as the late “Gay Vito” on HBO’s The Sopranos, told the New York Daily News that he’s lending his name to a new pool cue, in honour of his character, who was beaten to death and sodomized with billiard sticks in the show’s last season. “It’s going to be called ‘A Cue to Die For’ (or) The ‘Badda-Breaker,’” Gannascoli told the Post.
“But I wanted to call it ‘The Brown-Tip Special.’” Ouch. Remember this the next time someone talks about HBO’s tasteful, intelligent programming.