I’m going to go with space aliens, the North Koreans or possibly the family that launched Balloon Boy.

See, I have to come up with some kind of conspiracy theory about who or what has birds around the country dropping faster than Snooki’s decolletage. If you cruise the Internet, it seems like everyone is getting into that game, and I’m not going to be left out again. “Facebook? No, I don’t get that magazine.”

One of the great things about living in a nation of more than a quarter-billion residents is that each time something weird happens, we have a ready-made army of conspiracy theorists, black-helicopter watchers, survivalists and all-purpose nuts to race to our rescue with “grassy knoll” explanations.

And trust me, nothing gets them going as much as a mysterious natural (or unnatural) event such as this mass-auguring-into-the-Earth by some of our avian friends, or as I will henceforth refer to it, The Hindenbird Disaster.

Among the favorite plots up for perusal: poisoning, secret military testing, a sonic shock wave of some sort or ennui caused by the maddeningly uneven officiating in the NFL. Anyway, in almost every case, the conspiracy theorists ignore all studies by actual scientists and come around to the notion that the federal government is up to something sneaky.

It’s nonsense, of course. We all know that the CIA is still busy interrogating the Martians captured at Roswell, so the feds certainly don’t have time for a covert war on blackbirds, no matter what kind of threat they pose to our national security (I briefly considered that maybe these birds had an original copy of the president’s birth certificate and had to be taken out, but I’ve since dismissed the idea).

Here, however, are two theories that make sense. As we become more urbanized, we can expect to be more often mystified by natural phenomenon with which our rural forbearers were better acquainted. And as long as our faith in government in general stays in the basement, some of us are likely to suspect the secret hand of Big Brother whenever something doesn’t fly right.

–CNN’s Tom Foreman is a regular on “AC360”/www.ac360.com and “The Situation Room.”

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