Inviting another into the bedroom with your mate

<p><strong>THE QUESTION:</strong><br />I’ve been in a relationship for eight months and my boyfriend is pushing for a threesome. He says it’s what our relationship needs for excitement. I’m on the fence as to whether I should or not. Part of me is curious; the other part is totally turned off by the idea. What’s your take?</p>


Your question suggests a hint of coercion on your boyfriend’s part. His “pushing for a threesome” doesn’t exactly provide for a pressure-free situation. By saying “it’s what our relationship needs for excitement,” he indicates that there’s trouble brewing. His motivation might be boredom, lack of commitment or trying to openly be with another woman — all of which are incompatible with a healthy relationship. That said, don’t do it if you have any doubt or if you see it as a remedy to save the relationship. It won’t.


There are a slew of potential problems that arise when couples pursue threesomes. Jealousy, possessiveness and embarrassment are common, as is comparison: “Is she better than me in the sack?” Consider what might happen if one of you desires to continue with a threesome and the other doesn’t. Will this force the other to do it on the sly?


If, over time, the relationship is strengthened, you’re still curious and you’re not feeling pressured, then, against my better advice, go for it — keeping this in mind: Thoroughly discuss expectations and acceptable behavior.


– Jonathan Alpert is a licensed psychotherapist. E-mail him your questions at

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