Who is Kim Kardashian and why is she famous?
Everywhere you go, there she is. She’s on TV, she’s at the supermarket, she’s all over the Internet.
She’s making an album, she bought a Rolls Royce to celebrate turning 30, she releases more fragrances than a flower shop.
Finally, after running into Kim just about everywhere, I decided to find out who she is and what she is famous for.
After extensive research, I can report with some authority: Nothing. Kim Kardashian is famous for nothing.
Consider the evidence. She’s the daughter of a Hollywood lawyer and the stepdaughter of Bruce Jenner, who was an Olympic decathlete a million years ago. She’s one step up from Everywoman, but that’s not enough to make her famous.
She’s Armenian-American but so is Cher (Cherilyn Sarkisian) and Cher can sing.
She’s attractive, but then so are millions of other young women and they’re not famous, except in their dreams.
So how does Kim Kardashian make $5.5 million per year and who cares that she wants to make an album?
She has the trappings of celebrity — there’s a reality show, a Dancing With The Stars gig, but the deeper you dig, it’s a house of cards. There’s no talent for acting or singing (or dancing, for that matter).
I’m not the only one who has noticed that, compared to Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton is a genuine star. At least Paris is amused by everything around her, including herself. Kim, as far as we can tell, is qualified to go shopping, or maybe eat lunch. Here’s Fran Lebowitz, photographer of the stars, on the Kardashian phenomenon:
“I am aware that there are these people called Kardashians, even if I have never seen one. It won’t last.”
When she says “it won’t last,” Fran means the reality show fake celebrity. “Because nothing lasts. Things may not change for the better — although it’s almost impossible to imagine things changing for the worse — but they will change.”
There are signs that Kim Kardashian is the end of the line. The National Enquirer, the mother of all celebrity gossip rags, has filed for bankruptcy protection. Survivor is recycling Survivor survivors. And when was the last time you heard anything from Jessica Simpson? Fake celebrity is so over. Maybe just in time to nip Kim’s album in the bud.
But, yes Fran, it can get worse. Even in our worst nightmares, we failed to predict Kim Kardashian. But there she is, cluttering up Google. Be afraid. Be very afraid.
Paul Sullivan is a Vancouver-based journalist and owner of Sullivan Media Consulting; email@example.com.