When I moved to Calgary five years ago, all anyone could talk about was how close the Flames once were to winning the Stanley Cup. Well, that and something called “Ralph bucks.” But mostly it was about the nearly successful playoff run of the 2004-05 season.


Since then, one could consider me an outside Flames fan. Sure, I’ve been to a few games and usually end up enjoying them, at least until the 50/50 draw. After that, things get pretty boring.


And like so many Calgarians, as the Flames get closer and closer to the playoffs each year, I get more and more excited. Then I unavoidably get disappointed when they are inevitably eliminated.


It seems that having faith in the Flames winning the Stanley Cup is as idealistic as hoping no one spits on you on the C-Train. While it would be great and slightly unexpected, it probably isn’t going to happen.


With only a couple of weeks until the playoffs begin, our hockey team hangs in the perils of ninth place. Even if we do make it to the playoffs, we’ll just barely manage it. We’d be like lame ducks, or Ed Stelmach. We don’t want to win a Stanley Cup that way, do we?

I’m sorry to say that, unfortunately, for so many Flames fans it’s time to ask: What happens if Calgary doesn’t make the playoffs? What do you do with all your red face paint? Who will the lonely, attention-seeking girls flash on 17th Ave.? And what about Harvey the Hound? For whom will his drum beat?

By already imagining what you could do with your free time, you can start the mourning process a little earlier. You could finally start dating again. Or acknowledge your children. Take that long overdue shower or do your taxes. To replace the gaping hole of culture, may I suggest you take in a play or check out the Glenbow.

It may seem harsh to already call this season a loss, but it is realistic. It is hard to argue with years of history and, seriously, you probably really need that shower.

– Mike Morrison writes daily about all things Canadian entertainment on the award-winning Mike’s Bloggity Blog.