Poor body image is probably one of the most common obstacles women face when it comes to enjoying sex. It’s hard to focus on pleasure when you’re holding in your stomach.
But I’ve always maintained that a less-than-perfect body carried with self-confidence is way hotter than a flawless body carried self-consciously.
If you carry yourself with sexual confidence, no matter what size or shape you are, people buy into it.
It’s like advertising — you know that miracle cream isn’t really going to erase wrinkles and make you look years younger immediately but, the way they sell it, it’s darned convincing.
You are your own best marketing machine
Also, if you put your sexual life on hold until some undetermined time in the future when you’ll lose 20 pounds, you are denying yourself pleasure now.
Like my favourite makeover stylists Stacy and Clinton of TLC’s What Not to Wear always say, “Buy clothes for the body you have now.”
Stop criticizing your body and focus on what you love about it. It’s gotten you this far in life. It deserves a little appreciation. Embrace and focus on what is going on between you and your partner, not what’s wrong with your body.
To help boost your sexual self-confidence and improve your body image, get naked with yourself.
Pour yourself a glass of wine (or two) and strut around your house or apartment when you’re alone (probably best to draw the curtains).
And just because guys don’t sit around and whine to each other about their saggy thighs — “Oh God, Doug, I just hate my gut.” “Oh c’mon Steve, you look great!” — doesn’t mean body image isn’t an issue for them too.
The best way to make your partner feel like you love his or her body is to send out a steady message of acceptance.
We tend to slow down the compliments as we get more comfy in a relationship, when they’re really most important. No need to lie. Just focus on things you genuinely like about your partner and mention them often.
Help your partner accept the things they don’t like by complimenting them and making them realize you’re in love with them as an entire package, which means you love the wobbly bits too.
Though you might want to find a better way to phrase it.
Josey Vogels is a sex and relationship columnist and author of five books on the subjects. For more info, visit joseyvogels.com.