So much silliness and nonsense was uttered this week, it's impossible to get to it all. (And so much of national importance, too, but that's for another day.)?We've done our best to recap in the tiny space afforded us.
Quoted in brief
"He can't look like that. That's wrong. Just look at him!"
Mitt Romney apologized on Thursday following revelations by the Washington Post that he was a bit of a bully back in his prep school days. The above quote was attributed to 18-year-old Romney by a former peer, who says the presidential candidate gathered a little mob to pin down another boy -- one who had been teased over his "nonconformity and presumed homosexuality" -- and cut off his apparently inappropriate hair. "I participated in a lot of hijinks and pranks during high school,"?Romney said in apology, "and some might have gone too far, and for that I apologize."
The recalled incident does seem vicious, but we don't think anyone should be prosecuted for the assorted cruelties of our high school days. Though there does seem to be a line between hijinks and assault, one needn't look nearly so far back in history to find evidence of Romney's repugnance.
"Obama, by all accounts, was a habitual drug user in high school."
The conservative news complex, upset over the Romney bully story, took the opportunity to trot out the follies of Obama's high school days, arguing, again, that he was never properly vetted by the mainstream media. Thus the above quote from ?Breitbart, and many more: He "tried drugs enthusiastically," Obama wrote in "Dreams From My Father." Sure, that'll sway the youth vote.
"That's not a reason to change thousands of years of thinking about marriage."
We hate ourselves for even giving her ink at all, but Bristol Palin -- the inspirational daughter of former big deal Sarah Palin -- had some words of condemnation over President Barack Obama's evolution on marriage equality. The quote above refers specifically to a critique of Obama listing the opinions of his young daughters Malia and Sasha as partly responsible for his decision to endorse equal rights.
One point of contention for Ms. Palin: However much she would like to pretend that marriage is this sacred unchanged institution over multiple millenia, that's just not the case. If she wants to return to the traditional ideal she holds so dear, she'll be happy to submit completely to the whims of her father, and later her husband; the first will trade her like cattle, the second will surely treat her as such. Edmund Burke, in 1790, wrote of this splendid tradition:?"A woman is but an animal, and an animal not of the highest order."
For what it's worth, Romney is also in the traditionalist camp: "3,000 years of human history shouldn't be discarded so quickly," he has said in describing his opposition to equal marriage rights. It would probably be considered insensitive to his religion to point out that Mr. Romney's family is not exactly known for its adherence to accepted marriage norms, so we'll leave it at that.
"Jonah Goldberg ... has twice been nominated for a Pulitzer Prize."
Political columnist Jonah Goldberg found himself the subject of much Internet mockery this week for falsely padding his credentials on the jacket of his new book. The line in question, repeated above, has been proven false. In a Pulitzer context, "nominated" refers to the top three finalists in each category. What Goldberg really was is a two-time "entrant" -- something you too can be for the low price of $50.
"He can't vote, so you'll need to vote for him."
The Washington Free Beacon proves conservatives can be funny with a fake ad for Texas inmate Keith Judd, who grabbed 41 percent of votes in Tuesday's West Virginia Democratic primary.
Follow Brayden Simms on Twitter @Metropolitik