Therapist probes whether to commit to significant other
After years of Mr. Wrongs, Mr. OKs and Mr. Eh He’ll Do Just ’Cause He Has A Platinum Card, you think you have stumbled upon The One.
But you’re kinda nervous about the whole “commitment thing.”
Is it a case of cold feet or is your inner voice telling you to run, run as far away as your Manolos will take you? Well, for that inner voice, therapist Mira Kirshenbaum has written a book called Is He Mr. Right? Everything You Need To Know Before You Commit.
Q: Wouldn’t women just know if their boyfriend was Mr. Right?
A: If women just knew that he is Mr. Right, the divorce rate wouldn’t be what it is. Sixty per cent of women getting divorced say they sensed there was something wrong from the beginning. Why don’t women know whether a guy is Mr. Right? They confuse Mr. Right with Mr. Right-Now.
Q: How do they go about hiding this book from their significant other?
A: Ideally you have a relationship where you don’t have to hide what you read. But at any stage of a relationship, it’s usually a bombshell to admit you’re having doubts. How about hiding it in the same place where they hide their vibrator? How about slipping it in amongst their cookbooks?
Q: Which is worse: Settling down with someone who is just Mr. Maybe or not settling down at all?
A: This is one of the biggest mistakes women make, thinking that Mr. Maybe is good enough. The truth is that marriage today does to a relationship what an earthquake does to a house: It brings out every structural weakness, and every structural weakness puts the house at risk of collapsing. It may suck to be single again now, but it’s way, way better than being a divorced middle-aged woman with a couple of kids.
Q: You say that the right man will come along at one point. But really, what if he doesn’t?
A: The dangerous thing about asking, “What if Mr. Right doesn’t come along?” is that it functions as one of those panic-point questions that push women in to hooking up with Mr. So-So. Our research showed that the most powerful reason women miss out on finding Mr. Right is that they spend years with a guy they know is Mr. Wrong instead of dumping the dud fast and making themselves available to meet new guys.