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MvsM comes up short

If anyone ever thought that Gary Coleman, the diminutive star of TV’sDiff’rent Strokes, somehow got the “shaft” in life then you are right —and in more ways than one.

If anyone ever thought that Gary Coleman, the diminutive star of TV’s Diff’rent Strokes, somehow got the “shaft” in life then you are right — and in more ways than one.

A revealing scene from his new movie Midgets vs. Mascots, playing tonight at Empire City Centre 9 as part of the 23rd Edmonton International Film Festival, tells the untold story.

In a shower sequence involving the titular midgets and mascots, a fight breaks out, Coleman’s towel flaps open and you can catch a momentary glimpse of his, uh, respectably sized member. That constitutes about the only interesting sequence in the film. No, it isn’t worth the price of admission.

It seems fairly obvious that the plot of Midgets vs. Mascots, such as it is, was derived more from the absurdity of the title (complete with catchy alliteration) than it was from anything resembling an original idea.

Competing for their late father’s fortune, a brother and sister each must select a team of five little people and five mascots who themselves compete for a grand prize of $1 million — whichever sibling’s team wins gets daddy’s estate.

The rationale matters less than awkwardly staged sequences that place the foul-mouthed little people and costumed-types out in the general public. A restaurant sequence is particularly heinous because it depends more on vulgarity than anything truly funny — despite the film’s billing, Borat this ain’t.

I am, however, ashamed to admit that I laughed once during MvsM. No, your one laugh is not worth the price of admission either.

Assuming you last long enough to see them before walking out of the theatre, the film also features cameos by the Hedgehog Ron Jeremy, Jason Mewes and basketball great Scottie Pippen which is sooo hilarious because, like, he’s so tall compared to all the midgets.

By the way, can I say “midgets” without sounding like an insensitive douchebag? I mean, it’s in the title. Deep thoughts to be sure. You have to feel somewhat empathetic towards Coleman, who truly does seem put out by the proceedings. Apparently, his involvement in the flick almost ruined his marriage.

That fact could be a publicity stunt, of course, but I am inclined to believe it’s true.

The film doesn’t make you believe anyone involved is clever enough to concoct such a scheme.

Showtime is at 9:30 p.m. For a EIFF schedule, visit edmontonfilmfest.com.

 
 
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