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New conspiracies about Barack Obama, based on family pictures just released

Let's try to think about ways to spin Barack Obama's adorable baby pictures into something sinister.

The New York Times today released an excerpt from Janny Scott's biography of Anne Dunham, the President's mother, and it is truly a fascinating read— and, perhaps, a necessary one at a time when it has once again become fashionable to question Where Barack Obama Came From.


With that in mind, let's try to think about the ways we could spin the adorable baby pictures that accompany the story into something sinister:



Those palm trees are incontrovertibly Kenyan palm trees. Additionally, Barack Obama is a Somalian pirate.



Barack Obama was a Mau Mau child soldier, who specialized in assassination by drowning.



The pendant Barack Obama is wearing holds the symbol of the radical Thuggee Death Cult, whose murderous ways he seeks to revive even today.



Barack Obama was a chubby child. The fact that did not become a chubby adult means that he is out of touch with the lives of most Americans.



Barack Obama is shown graduating high school in Hawaii with a lei. In Hawaii, "Lei Day" occurs on May 1, which is also "May Day." "May Day" is also known as International Workers Day, which is a celebration of radical Marxism. Barack Obama is a radical Marxist.

 
 
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