Trump adopts casual dress for next Apprentice
Mary Altaffer/ASSOCIATED PRESS FILE PHOTO
RUG HOST, COAST TO COAST: Further details about the next season of The Apprentice have been revealed by Adam Buckman of the New York Post, who had the privilege of previewing an advance episode of the debut episode, which apparently features Donald Trump eschewing his socks and tie.
The sixth season of The Apprentice begins with Trump doing his best Randy Newman impression, riding through Los Angeles in a convertible Rolls Royce wearing a dark suit without a tie, exclaiming "I love L.A.!" Later in the show, he goes so far as to remove his socks and shoes for a beachside swimsuit fashion show, but only after he’s shown off the mansion that will be Trump HQ for the series, located on a hillside just above the mansion where the contestants will live — and rough it in the backyard when they lose, as revealed earlier last week.
Buckman says that, judging by the first episode, the revival of the show is a success, but now that the stakes have been raised, how will the producers follow this up? The Trump striptease should probably continue, with the host losing items of clothing each week — the jacket and pants should probably go in the next week, the shirt the next, and his underpants the following week.
(You just know that Trump’s not an undershirt man.)
A good deal of suspense can be generated by the question of whether Trump will doff his hairpiece by week five. After that, he’ll have to painfully shed his sebaceous glands, before peeling off his epidermis, then slough off layers of subcutaneous fat over the course of the seventh and eighth episodes. Major muscle groups will be carved off over the ninth and 10th episodes, while the digestive organs will be harvested during the 11th episode and much of the 12th.
He’ll be kept on life support, with children and "advisers" Ivanka and Donald Jr. doing most of the talking for him, until a jolt of electricity through his glistening organs will force a wet shout of "You’re fired" at the end of the 13th episode, when the final two contestants are revealed.
Trump will be slowly drained of blood during the final, celebrity-studded challenge, and the season finale will be presided over by a pile of Trump’s raw bones, surrounded by a collection of neoclassical vitrines containing skin, hair, nerves, muscles and organs. The winning contestant will run screaming from the theatre at the end of the show to collect their Lexus, which they’ll drive down Sunset Boulevard in a horrified frenzy before driving head-on into a parked Purolator van.
IT WAS ALL A DREAM! Battlestar Galactica executive producer Ron Moore told Maureen Ryan of the Chicago Tribune that the next half of the current season will contain "a pretty big loss" that might fundamentally alter the show. And if you think I have the energy to imagine what that would be after the Trump thing, you’re obviously forgetting that it’s Friday.