I’m not one to tell the World Series champs how to celebrate, but these champagne-dousing bacchanals are getting downright silly.

The World Champs will have doused each other four times in the past several weeks: clinching a playoff spot, and winning the each round of the playoffs. Each time the spray sessions get more sophisticated, as players don ski goggles and even scuba masks to protect their eyes from the sting of victory.

Sports Illustrated reported that the Dodgers shipped 160 bottles of champagne from Pittsburgh to San Diego and then to Los Angeles as the team struggled to clinch its division. They spent $6,400 on the booze, raising the question why anyone would shell out $40 a bottle for something that’s only going to end up in Manny Ramirez’s hair.


The Dodgers then went through 216 bottles after winning the first round. Never one to be outspent, the Yankees used up 300 bottles in 20 minutes, reported The New York Times, after dispatching the Twins. The Angels took turns dousing the jersey of Nick Adenhart — who was killed by a drunk driver earlier this season — after topping the Red Sox, and Derek Jeter soaked The Boss’s son and daughter after humbling the Halos.

Forget the Freudian suggestions behind shooting shaken champagne on half-naked men in ski goggles. But what about the poor clubhouse attendants who have to tape plastic to the floor and locker stalls and do the laundry so the boys can have their bit of bubbly fun? And as if the victories weren’t messy enough, both the Yankees and Phillies mark walk-off wins with a cream pie gag straight out of “The Three Stooges.”

Our sporting heroes leaving a giant mess for others to mop up makes things tough on us parents as we attempt to teach our children to clean up after themselves. Good thing the kiddies are long since in bed when baseball’s midnight celebrations finally take place.

– Michael Malone details his commuting woes on Trainjotting.com.

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