You know you’re not a good old boy (GOB) when ... you don’t get hunting. And I don’t get hunting.
Call me crazy but I don’t understand the great satisfaction that goes with blowing up small animals for fun. Or large animals, for that matter.
So when I watched the YouTube video of the three yahoos blowing up ducks for yucks on a Saskatchewan slough, it set what’s left of my hair on fire. If you haven’t seen it, it’s easy to find. Just Google “YouTube duck shooters” and click straight through to shock and outrage.
And there has been an outcry. The three GOBs in question pleaded guilty to various violations of the Dead Bird Act. Of course, they got off with a fine and a rap on the knuckles — so now their fake contrition can evaporate like a morning mist on a Prairie pond and they can go back to being full-time morons.
If the punishment fit the crime, they’d be up for an extended stay in the Hardrock Hilton for trashing nature while they run around giggling — then compounding their stupidity by posting it on YouTube. Let’s see how they feel if they get to be the sitting ducks and the jailhouse regulars get to be the hunters.
The sad truth is that one of the charges these guys pleaded guilty to was hunting out of season — a mere technicality. In season? All you need is a licence and a ridiculously overpowered firearm.
The even sadder truth is these YouTube boobs are hardly unique. There are hundreds (thousands?) of other videos posted on YouTube featuring beefy guys in high-tech gear blowing away ducks, rabbits, bears and various ungulates with carefree abandon, all perfectly legal, all in season.
And yes, I still eat meat, which I buy at a supermarket. And yes, that makes me a shameless hypocrite. I’m trying to quit. But here’s the news: We have perfected the technology of fang and claw. There’s no need to go out and actively track down dinner, unless you’re one of the few thousand people left on the planet who are legitimate hunter/gatherers.
And if you try to convince me there’s something special about duck à la buckshot, you’re just adding insult to injury. Real men eat tofu.
GOBs, it’s time to hand in your weapons. There are plenty of exciting alternatives to exterminating Daffy and Donald and an annual estimated 100 million of their woodland friends. Take pictures of ducks instead. You get to shiver for hours in a blind, just like hunting.
You don’t need a licence and it’s a helluva lot easier on the critters.
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