In case you were worried about the fall of the American Empire, comedian Colin Quinn can explain exactly how and why it’s going to happen.

“As America, we’re like the Costco of the [world],” he explains. “We take each empire’s thing that killed them and we put them all together with a big giant Walmart of all empire declines.”

But do not fear Armageddon, because Quinn will make everything clear in his upcoming one-man show, “Colin Quinn Long Story Short.” Through his comparisons of, say, Best Buy to Ancient Rome, the show will explain why we’ve been repeating the same mistakes since the beginning of time.


“It’s really my own megalomania that decided it. It’s a part of my world domination thing,” he says of his decision to write the show, which is directed by Quinn’s old pal, Jerry Seinfeld.

Apparently, getting a favor from Seinfeld isn’t as hard as you’d think. Quinn explains how it happened with his usual brevity: “Me, him and this guy Tom Poppa were sitting there. Tom says, ‘How’s your show going?’ I said, ‘Good.’ Jerry goes, ‘I’ll produce it.’ And then he watched it and I said, ‘Why don’t you direct it?’ and he says, ‘Alright.’”

'Colin Quinn Long

Story Short'

Saturday through August 15

Bleecker Street Theatre

45 Bleecker St.

$25-$65, 212-239-6200

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