Confidence. It’s attractive in a man. But when dating, sometimes it’s hard to determine where his healthy ego starts and narcissism begins. Is your man in love with you? Or himself? Does this sound familiar?
W. Keith Campbell, author of “When You Love a Man who Loves Himself” explains how the biggest problem with dating a narcissist in the long term is their lack of empathy. That doesn’t mean they don’t like relationships — they do — and at the beginning, everything’s great. “They come across as confident and outgoing and even though they seem a little materialistic — they’re exciting to be with. Unfortunately narcissists don’t come in with a big N on their t-shirts — it’s hard to spot the negative signs,” says Campbell.
To help, we put together a quiz to help you figure out if your super ‘awesome’ and confident guy is a narcissist.
1. By the end of the first date you are:
A. Still trying to get over the fact someone so cool, attractive, successful and exciting wants to date you.
B. Whoa! Chill out — you’re still not sure if there’s going to be a date two.
C. The love of his life.
2. He uses the back of his iPhone as:
A. A mirror — he checks him self out every two seconds.
B. A ruler.
C. A shrine to you. He’s stuck a giant photo of you on it.
3 Sex is:
A. Less about your pleasure in the moment than his aggrandizement.
B. Fair play: you both give and take.
C. Mind-blowing, mostly because he makes it all about you.
4. He’s cheated on you:
A. Three to four times. That you know of.
B. You both sort of cheated once — but it was a Ross-Rachel thing.
C. Never. He refuses to make eye contact with anyone that’s not you.
5. The two of you bump into your (hot) ex:
A. He immediately picks a fight because your ex looked you “in the eye” and threatens to beat him up if he ever comes near you ever again.
B. He just feels sorry for the guy. He doesn’t know what he’s missing out on now he’s no longer with you.
C. He manages an awkward smile.
6. You’ve just been laid off, you come home sobbing:
A. He tells you to get a grip, turns on the TV and spends the whole evening complaining about his “lame” $4,000 bonus.
B. He reminds you that you hated your job and wanted to quit anyway. At least this way you’ll get a good payoff.
C. He helps you spruce up your CV, agrees to watch “The Notebook” without complaining.
Scores
If you scored a majority of A’s:
If you scored a majority of B’s: You’re dating a no-nonsense dude. He’s like so chilled and cool.
If you scored a majority of C’s : Your boyfriend is so in love with you that you don’t need to worry about him being a narcissist. If anything, he should think about his needs a little more.
Eight warningsigns
He’s haunty and arrogant: observing those around him skeptically, appearing more everything- divine, intelligent and superior.
He blames the world for his own failures: everyone but him is responsible for his defeats.
He’s hyper sensitive: and constantly feels slighted, injured and attacked.
He’s aggressive: dividing the universe into superior and inferior. He’s superior and treats those he considers inferior with contempt and disdain.
He’s way too eager: and quickly gets possessive.
He doesn’t respect your privacy: he sees you as an object and is shocked and enraged when you do inform him that you’re independent.
He’s a control freak: dictating what you should see and should not see.
He idealizes you: but his expectations of you are unrealistic. He puts you on a pedestal on date one only to criticize you harshly on date two.
