In the era of social media, online dating has shed its shameful image. “We met over the Internet” is a phrase no longer greeted with pity or whispered warnings. Lavalife is the new community singles dance. Christian Mingle is the new church picnic. J-date is the new pushy Bubbe.
Of course, it’s wise to proceed with caution. You can discover a lot about someone from their dating profile — more than you might think. Here’s how to read between their lines:
He writes: I like hiking, cycling, tennis, hockey, etc. I’m looking for someone who can keep up with my active lifestyle.
Translation: No fatties.
He writes: I really respect strong women and would love to find a successful, independent female to share my life.
Translation: I’m unemployed and you’re picking up the tab. Forever.
She writes: I’ve had my heart broken many times in the past, so I’m looking for something real. Players need not apply!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Translation: Historically, I have a habit of selecting wildly inappropriate romantic partners and will continue to do so because that is how I roll. If you are a kind, sincere gentleman who cares about me and wishes to settle down, I will wonder what is wrong with you, complain to my friends that you are too needy and stop returning your calls.
He writes: I prefer the simpler things in life.
Translation: I live in a basement, sleep on my ex-girlfriend’s discarded futon and opt for meals that can be prepared using only a can opener and a microwave.
She writes: Well, what can I say? I’m a nice person. I like shopping and chilling with my friends. If u like what u see, let’s meet for a coffee and take it from there.
Translation: I have nothing relevant or interesting to say on any subject and am passionate about nothing. Hope you like awkward silence!
He writes: I’m very much in touch with my feminine side.
Translation: I will try on your underwear when you are at work.
They write: My friends think I’m funny.
Translation: I’ve watched that YouTube video of the monkey picking his bum, smelling his finger and falling off the tree like a million times!
She writes: I wuvs my kitty-cat! LOL! Her name is Tiddlywinks and she is mummy’s precious widdle baby angel, yes she is!
Translation: Run!
Good luck out there.
