This is the time of year when we start thinking about doing things differently next year. But why limit your resolutions to the classics, like quitting smoking or going to the gym? Make 2010 the year you do things differently when it comes to love!
Single?
Work on yourself before getting involved with someone new. Yes, a new relationship can be a great way to get over someone until you realize the fantastic new person you thought “was nothing like that last one” is suddenly exactly like the last one and the one thing they both share in common is you!
Trust your instincts. He didn’t call when he said he would … again. She says she’s totally over her ex so I’m sure those daily phone calls from him don’t mean anything. It’s easy to overlook bad behaviour when you’re falling for someone and desperately want things to work out but by trusting your gut early on, you’ll save yourself the tearful, angry, “In hindsight, I should have seen the signs” conversations with your friends when the person eventually breaks your heart.
Be more flexible about your type. Opening yourself up to a wider variety of people not only makes you, well, open to a wider variety of people, you may also find it breaks you out of the habit of falling into the same relationship patterns with the same personality types. Resolutions are all about breaking habits, right?
In a relationship?
Listen. Stop worrying about being right and really listen to what your partner is saying. Imagine there is a bouncing ball (like in the cartoons) over your partner’s words. Then follow the bouncing ball, to ensure you’re really focusing on what he or she is saying and not simply busy formulating a rebuttal.
Speak up! About your sexual needs, desires, and frustrations (in a loving and kind way, of course). Encourage your partner to do the same.
Start a weekly sexual revelation ritual: You show me one thing you like or don’t like and I’ll show you mine.
Indulge your partner. Do something that they’re into more than you are (either in bed or out). Not only does indulging your partner make them feel special and loved, you may surprise yourself and discover things you never knew you’d get into. And bonus, your partner will be more likely to indulge you right back.
Remember: Quality over quantity. Stop reading all those surveys that make you think everyone else is having way more sex than you are. Who cares if the Joneses are doing it seven times a week and twice on Sunday?
One, they’re probably lying; and two, it’s like looking at models in a fashion magazine: You’ll never feel adequate. Are you two happy with your frequency? The quality?
If you’re not, talk about it and figure something out. If you are, I don’t care how often you’re doing it and neither should the two of you.
Here’s to better loving in 2010!
