The City of Richmond wants late-night talk show comic Stephen Colbert to come here and call us “syrup-sucking Canadian iceholes” to our faces.

Yesterday, city spokesperson Ted Townsend sent the right-wing satirist a letter inviting him to the Richmond Oval during the 2010 Games.

The tongue-in-cheek letter was sent in response to comments Colbert made recently on The Colbert Report about the U.S. speedskating team being denied ice time at the Oval — something VANOC and the venue deny.

“It takes a lot to upset us,” Townsend said in his letter. “After all, the combination of the languid smell of beaver musk and the freezing temperatures generally make us a docile people.”

Townsend reminded Colbert that Canadians have always “welcomed our friends from south of the border with open arms (well, except in 1812).”

“So … we are inviting you to find yourself some sled dogs and venture forth to our great frozen wasteland to be our guest at the 2010 Games.”

Townsend told Metro Vancouver that he wanted to respond to Colbert in good humour and correct a bit of “misinformation” regarding accusations that international skaters weren’t getting their fair share of ice time.

“It’s also an opportunity to promote the Richmond Oval,” he said.

Townsend is offering to appoint Colbert — who is now sponsoring the American speedskating team — as official ombudsman to monitor the treatment of Americans during the Games.

He sent Colbert a pink toque to be worn — should he accept the invite — as part of his uniform.

Calls to The Colbert Report were not returned by press time.