Adorable couple had green, pink, outdated rooms

"Yup, if marshmallows vomited, it would have been this colour."

For us, one of the best aspects of Home Heist is that, as we stumble unexpectedly into the lives of our next victims (sorry, “contributors”) we genuinely don’t know what lies ahead.

Indeed our producers slave relentlessly to find the worst possible homes but we’re kept completely out of the investigative loop. We like that we don’t meet the owners until the last minute and therefore haven’t had time to form a bond, which might otherwise soften our often catty comments. What’s more, “surprise” makes us think on our feet!


Cue Linda and John, an adorable couple with a home so odiously gloomy it actually hurt to observe . Think time-warped, bottle-green living room (walls, sofas, artwork, the lot), a devilishly dated kitchen, a dining room with all the allure of a hospital canteen and a pink bedroom so dramatically colour washed it felt like an explosion in Barbie’s handbag. Yup, if marshmallows vomited, it would have been this colour. OK, so everything was spotlessly clean, but how disastrous is it if the only positive thing to comment upon is an absence of dirt? Precisely.

Back at the ranch, we replaced the putrid pink boudoir with a symphony of yellow shades, gently played against contemporary white wall panelling and a beautiful four poster. The bilious bottle green living room was translated into a much more subdued version (see, we listen to our homeowners and don’t simply railroad), which our design delinquent 50-something’s loved. Out went the catastrophic kitchen and in its place was born a specially manufactured moss coloured update. In the dining room we worked our magic by repainting the existing table and chairs but the end results are fantastic, and testament to the fact you don’t always have to spend loads to get the biggest visual returns.

Triumphant (as usual, darlings!) having been ably assisted by glamorous Cheryl and our team of bad taste busting builders, we pack up our tools and rush to our next design emergency. One day we’ll have glamorized every house in Canada but, until then, our journey continues.

divine tips

  • Just because you like a particular colour, it doesn’t mean that everything should be that shade. Create more drama by being less dramatic — big colours “pop” better against paler backdrops.

  • Too much colour washing or sponging is BAD! Don’t choke your entire space with satanically swirled walls.

HGTV hosts Colin and Justin continue their mission of beautification with their Canadian design series Colin & Justin’s Home Heist, airing Tuesdays and Saturdays at 9 p.m. ET on HGTV.

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