HELL COMES TO YOUR HOUSE: The New Thirty is the title of a new sitcom being developed for Rosie O’Donnell and Fran Drescher, according to an AM New York story yesterday. No network was mentioned as the future home for the series, which will feature the two women as high school friends who reconnect with each other as tenants in a Manhattan apartment building.

“It's kind of Sex and the City but we ain't getting any," Drescher told In Touch Weekly. "It'll probably be more like 'The Odd Couple.' I'll be Oscar and [Rosie will] be Felix.”

Well, there’s a show that will probably be made infinitely more bearable by closed captioning.

It seems I only heard about her last week, but already Tila Tequila has proclaimed fame wanting and expressed her desire to retire from the spotlight with the conclusion of this season of MTV’s A Shot At Love With Tila Tequila.

Famous mostly for wearing very little in magazines and being bisexual on cable television, Tequila told Entertainment Weekly that “this lifestyle is fun and I worked hard for it, but I think in the long run, it’s a lot. I just wanna be in love for the rest of my life and move to an island and have kids.”

“I wanna do meaningful stuff,” the diminutive model said. “After a while you reach your goals and then what?”

Indeed. After achieving the lofty goal of lending the cover of Penthouse her youthful “credibility” for an issue and making hunky dudes cry like babies on TV with a show that’s probably up there with The L Word among shows that men secretly TiVo and watch when their wives or girlfriends are in bed, just what else is there? There are those of us, however, who hope to see Ms. Tequila do for string theory what she did for reality dating shows – after all, is there anything that can’t be improved with cowboy hats and buckskin bikini tops?

HBO-VER: Frank Rich, the New York Times drama critic once known as the “Butcher of Broadway,” has been signed on by HBO as its creative consultant, the cable network announced this week. While some critics such as Tim Goodman wondered why the struggling network would want to be perceived as “more New York-centric,” the move at least has the unspoken advantage of preventing Rich from writing about HBO’s lacklustre shows due to conflict of interest. Considering how cheaply the average critic can be bought, I look forward to HBO expanding its creative team by poaching the entertainment pages of every major magazine and newspaper. Personally, I can be had for the price of a 52-inch plasma and a year’s supply of Red Bull.