Hi, I just turned 30 and it’s been a couple of years since I’ve dated. I didn’t date mostly because of my weight, which I’m now starting to work on. I’m really social, have lots of friends and people do compliment my looks despite this, but I’m still freaked out about getting close to someone. I am interested (secretly) in one of my best buddies. He’d be great to go out with, but the problem is I know that he’s a superficial guy and wouldn’t see me that way. I’m worried that he’s not the only one, and that I’m only eligible for weirdos. Help? – Dateless
Andrea: Dear Secret Hottie,
It’s pretty hard to be successful, loved and happy when you see yourself as the pits, isn’t it?
First step is to get rid of that mentality. If you want to open up emotionally and date again, you can’t settle for less than a 10, not the other way around.
To attract that kind of guy, practice. Just like exercise for the body, whatever makes you feel gorgeous, vibrant and alive needs to be part of your daily routine.
The second you start thinking negatively, catch yourself and consider alternatives.
Changing your mental chatter will help open up doors you didn’t know existed.
Claire: Dear Secret Hottie,
You haven’t told us how overweight you are, but the fact that you’re working on it is excellent.
My sister is pretty wise for a 20-something who chose to live in one of the coldest cities on the planet (yay Calgary!), and she’s right: Whatever makes you feel gorgeous, strong and happy must become part of your life until the day it dawns on you that you are gorgeous, strong and happy.
And remember that most people are so worried about their own deficiencies that they barely notice those of others.
I have fallen for men who were less than lovely to look at simply because they were damn smart, damn funny and had no idea they were verging on damn ugly — and ugly you are not. Keep us posted.
You already sound gorgeous.
• Two sisters, 20-something Andrea and 30-something Claire, offer their differing views on your relationship issues.