Britney Spears has been having a particularly rough holiday season, according to the National Enquirer.

Her Christmas blues has nothing to do with presents — the tabloid claims the pop star is haunted by a reunion with ex-husband Kevin Federline two years ago that allegedly resulted in a terminated pregnancy shortly there after.

Britney fights depression every Christmas season, but this Christmas “has been one of the worst for her,” a source close to the former star says.

The insider claims that during a recent emotional meltdown, Spears cried out, “I killed my baby!”