Staals demonstrate don’ts of bachelor parties

associated press file photo

Jordan Staal

Oh, to be a Staal brother these days.

The money, the fame, the hockey glory, the drunken nights in jail after what at least one observer called “a bachelor party gone awry.”

Eric and Jordan Staal raised the bar (or is that lowered?) for men across North America with their antics at a Minnesota resort on July 21.

We all know bachelor parties are supposed to get a little crazy.

Guys who have seen the 1984 film Bachelor Party starring Tom Hanks tend to hold that as the standard to which all wild parties should aspire — minus the hookers, the blow and the donkey. OK, at least the donkey.

The Staals may have taken crazy to new heights.

Eric, 22, of the Carolina Hurricanes, is set to get married next month, so it seems the Staal brothers —including 18-year-old Pittsburgh Penguin sensation Jordan — and friends decided to visit a resort in Lutsen, Minn., about 90 minutes south of their hometown of Thunder Bay, Ont., to celebrate the upcoming nuptials of their friend and family member.

Things got a little wild when, according to Canadian Press, police warned the group at around 12:50 a.m. they needed to stop yelling, screaming and playing loud music or risk being “removed from the property, issued citations/arrested, and/or deported from the country,” according to a release from the Cook County Sheriff’s Office.

Things didn’t get much better and the group of 15 to 20 was kicked out of the resort.

But wait — it gets better.

At around 4 a.m., they proceeded to move the party onto nearby Highway 61, at which point they began harassing passing motorists. Fourteen revellers were arrested, while some, the report stated, darted off into the woods in a pathetic attempt to escape police.

Eric spent the night in jail and Jordan was released after being charged with underage drinking.

Having organized or participated in a couple bachelor events in the past, here are a few rules I’ve learned about staging a successful, jail-free party that perhaps the Staals could have used to make their night less eventful:

First rule of bachelor party: Never, EVER discuss Bachelor Party!

Choose your venue carefully — Don’t stay at a high-end hotel if you’re inevitably going to be loud and boisterous. Find a three-star that welcomes, for example, parties and students, and avoid trashing any rooms.

Don’t go to a country where any of the party is too young to drink. You’re just asking for disappointment and, possibly, legal troubles.

Choose your guys carefully. Some men can’t handle their liquor and tend to get a bit aggressive (e.g., with hotel furniture) when they’ve had a few too many. Others tend to snipe at each other. Pick a group of guys that will get along, and even have a couple pre-bachelor nights to get everyone acquainted.

Stay within your budget. Your good buddy Jack might tell you that your new girlfriend the stripper is worth spending lots of money on, but when you wake up with a pounding headache in an empty bed with an empty wallet, you’ll be thinking otherwise.