Have you ever gone out with a guy on a few great dates and then — POOF — all of a sudden he’s gone without so much as an “I’m really busy right now” voicemail?

Of course you have (well, OK, maybe you haven’t) because it seems as though these disappearing daters are becoming a problem so rampant they might as well be bedbugs.

In the past few months I’ve watched a number of my single girlfriends repeat the same disastrous dating pattern. They meet a guy, date him for a month and then never hear from him again. What the hell, fellas? Are men just cowards when it comes to confrontation or are you getting lost in some sort of fifth date vortex that I’m unaware of?


In a recent conversation with a womanizing friend of mine, we’ll call him Richard (10 points if you can guess the subtext of his alias), I posed the question, why do guys vanish?

He offered a number of reasons why someone who seems interested might suddenly drop off the face of the Earth. Maybe he’s a commitment-phobe or there was an ex-girlfriend who wasn’t really that ‘ex’ after all. Or perhaps, as Richard so delicately put it, something better (i.e., someone hotter) came along.


But the question isn’t why your guy lost interest, but why he wouldn’t bother to tell you. Richard rationalizes, and I’m being generous with the word “rational” here, that ignoring you is actually the more compassionate approach. “If there’s no confrontation, how can she get hurt?”
He admits the theory is flawed; basically, men just don’t want to see women cry.

Newsflash gentlemen, we’re not as fragile as you might think. We’ll get over you (you were probably a jerk anyway). If it’s not meant be, we understand, but at least have the decency to fill us in.

And while he’s reassessing his single status, we’re left dreaming up elaborate excuses to explain where Mister MIA might be. “I’m sure he hasn’t called because he’s really busy at work/ lost his phone/got hit by a bus” etc. Soon enough it becomes heartbreakingly obvious that he’s decided to dump you without getting his hands dirty.

Let’s face it, ultimately we’ll never really understand where these hunky Houdinis go and why on Earth there isn’t any cellphone reception there. It’s best to just forget about him. If you have been a victim of the fifth date vanishing act don’t let it discourage you. After all, the show must go on.

– Read more of Jessica Napier’s columns at www.metronews.ca/shesays