Hey, didja hear the one about Karin Mackaliunas? If you've spend any time at all on the Internet since last Friday, you probably have. If nothing's jarring your memory, here's a hint: She's the Scranton woman who charged with possession last week after police found 54 bags of heroin (alongside $51.22 in cash and change) hidden in her vagina.
Let's be honest: A story like this, sad as it may be for the people involved, was basically invented for bloggers to tee up on. Some highlights:
A deep-cut Joe Biden joke!
"Now we know why Joe Biden wanted to get the hell out of Scranton."
—commenter GraduatedAmbition, from NY Mag
Obligatory 'Office' reference:
"Scranton? You guys sure this wasn't Meredith from 'The Office?'"
—commenter ChristopherOMartinez, from NY mag
Solid advice for children and all other people:
"This is why everyone should wash their hands after handling money."
—commenter Wein from NY mag
Putting things in perspective:
"It sounds like a lot, but 54 bags of heroin means 54 tightly wrapped, tiny glassine envelopes, each one about 1" x 2" and folded down to 1" by 1/2". All 54 take up about 3 inches of space which any woman would consider as more to be desired. And the cash fits in one of those jeans change pockets. So it makes for a good headline, but truth be told, for a rather unremarkable vagina."
—commenter Meld, from NY mag
"Mackaliunas was charged with possession, obviously. Imagine what she could do if she really devoted herself."
—The Village Voice's Jen Doll
"Once again, the lamestream media leaves out the most important detail of the story: Is she single?"
—commenter Harry Cheadle at the Village Voice
Taking the personal finance angle:
"I'm equally excited to learn that my vagina has a suitcase/wallet feature I haven't been using."
—The Hairpin's Christine Friar
That logic is why you haven't been arrested yet:
"If she had enough pocket space to carry three bags of heroin inside her jacket, could she not have kept the 22 cents worth of loose change there?"
"If she has a kid, he's going to be born with a silver spoon in his mouth."
And now, the worst:
"If this catches on there'll be a lot less purse snatching.No pun intended."
—WildBillWB on NY Mag
Two bad jokes in one!
"OMG! Charlie Sheen, stop your intern search! We've found someone who fits ALL your criteria!"
"Hope she's got a decent lawyer hidden in there too! She's going to need one!"
OK, that last one actually made us chuckle.