Ah, new motherhood. You’re sleep deprived, overwhelmed, and your breasts are feeling more feedbag than fun bag. Sex? Yeah, right. Especially given that it was sex that got you into this mess in the first place.
Well, as much as it may feel like you’d be okay to never have sex again, your partner might not be so keen on the idea. And remember, you once liked the guy enough to make a baby together. Surely, there’s a spark at least smouldering in there somewhere for him.
But how do you go from smouldering to hot again?
Take it easy on yourself
There is no rule about when you should start having sex again. The postpartum period is a time of huge changes in your life. Some women are ready for sex after six weeks, others six months. You’ll know when you’re ready.
Talk about it
He can hardly know how you’re feeling about sex if you don’t tell him. And no, “Get your hands off me, it’s enough with the baby sucking the life out of me without having you pawing at me” is not considered effective communication, despite how true it may be.
Make a date
If you’re not ready for sex, you can still be intimate. Date nights, baths, tender kisses and massages are all good ways to physically nurture each other until you’re ready to have intercourse again.
A lot of women feel like their body has been taken over by aliens after giving birth. Doing something nice for yourself — like getting a pedicure — will make you feel prettier, sexier and like you may actually have ownership of your body again one day. A trip to the gym will not only make you feel better physically, the endorphins and adrenalin will help kickstart your libido.
Don’t ignore your guy
New fathers sometimes feel rejected when he realizes mom’s found a new first love — her baby. Make an effort to include him.
Josey Vogels is a sex and relationship columnist and author of five books on the subjects. For more info, visit joseyvogels.com.