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The week that was

Metro’s senior snark correspondent comes from a broken home. So we know exactly how marriage works.

The realities of gay marriage


“Report: Gay, straight marriages strikingly similar,” PRESS-CITIZEN.COM, SPET. 8.
Is this so surprising that it required some sort of news report? We’re talking marriage here; what were you expecting, gerbils and party balloons? This is how it works: Initial enthusiasm making way for feelings of suffocation and eventually culminating in deep hatred and resentment. Welcome to our hell, gays.


Adorable headlines


“Frustrated journo quits after slow news day”
3NEWS.CO.NZ.,
SEPT. 13
That’s what we in the biz like to call a team player.


“Man jumps from I-74 bridge into Mississippi”
QCTIMES.COM, SEPT. 13
Not sure if you realized this, buddy, but you can actually just drive to Mississippi.


“Sweden launches ‘Chlamydia Monday’”

THELOCAL.SE, SEPT. 13
Part of a plan to minimize popularity of ‘Taco Tuesday.’


“Finding a bargain feels as good as sex”
TELEGRAPH.CO.UK,, SEPT. 13
You’re doing it wrong. Either one, take your pick.


“Aging gas pipes at risk of explosion nation-wide”

MSNBC.MSN.COM., SEPT 14
Rush Limbaugh instructed to seek immediate treatment.


“Woman admits hiding stillborn babies in wardrobe for years”

SMH.COM.UA,, SEPT. 14
What a nut! We’ve got ours mounted in the den.

 
 
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