Adorable headlines

“Women apologize more frequently than men do”

Scientificamerican, Sept. 25
That may be, but we’re taking the blame regardless.


“Poacher killed by great white shark”, sept. 25
This is one of those fabled feel-good stories.


“Generation Y says: Why drive when you can text?”, Sept. 24
How else are you supposed to text and drive?


“Mercedes tries to use Martin Luther King’s image to drive car sales”, Sept. 29
BMW execs cursing them-selves for missing out on the “I Have a Beem” potential.


“Recovery from porn addiction is possible”, Sept. 23
Yes; and recovery from food addiction is possible, too, but it’s just as likely to kill you.

“Prisoner who tried to kill himself is executed ... ”, Sept. 27
If you want something done right ...

“Swedish filmmaker shot in Afghanistan”, Sept. 27
Yeah, and he probably shot in Sweden, too. What, are we supposed to be impressed?

“85 Minnesota jobs experts bounced from jobs”, Sept. 27
The timing couldn’t be worse.

“Listerine fights jock itch”, Sept. 22
Somewhere in America, an intrepid cheerleader has very minty breath.

“Fisher-Price recalls millions of toys”, Sept. 30
This is no time for nostalgia, guys.