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The Week That Was

Metro drops some holiday cheer. Take advice from our outer space envoy

‘Free booze for the homeless?’
CNEWS.CANOE.CA, DEC. 17
This is exactly why the homeless aren’t generally
solicited to write articles for the newspaper.



‘Newly discovered tree looks like Darth Vader’

AOLNEWS.COM, DEC. 17
You don’t know the power of the bark side!



‘Airline passenger tells of disgusting seatback discovery’

WFAA.COM, DEC. 20
Yeah, we’ve all flown Delta.



‘Vatican: Condoms OK, but not as contraceptive’

MSNBC.MSN.COM, DEC. 21
Fun tip from the pope:?Put ‘em on your fingers and pretend
to be Mr. Balloon Hand Guy.



‘Man breaks record with 25K Santa items’

MYFOXLA.COM, DEC. 20
That’s not a record, guy; it’s a one-way ticket to lonely town.



‘Police: Man punched skier on Beaver Creek’

VAILDAILY.COM, DEC. 20
Ouch. Doubly so if that’s a double entendre.




‘Man critical after being stabbed in stomach at Woolloongabba’

NEWS.COM.AU, DEC. 22
We can imagine his critique:?Woolloongabba, really?
What are you, Dr. Seuss on acid?



‘Scientists breed a mouse that sings’

NEWS.COM.AU, DEC. 21
In 10 years: ‘Residents kill scientists who ushered in
era of the yodeling vermin’




Money can’t buy you happiness — unless you really like
the idea of having everything you ever wanted.



You can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear;
or at the very least, you probably don’t want to.



The walls have ears. Which is why I’ve fired my hearing-impaired,
on-site mad scientist. I said beers, Igor, beers!

 
 
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