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Hey, look who’s back at the White House! It’s our old friend Chaos again!


It wasn’t two weeks ago that Donald Trump peered into a teleprompter at a joint session of Congress and said words into a microphone.


Actual words.


One after another in the order they were written for him.


And given the low bar that's been set for his I’ll-just-wing-it presidency, Trump’s first State of the Union address was generally judged a success. A success in the way my last walk to the corner was a success. Yeah, sure. I got there. I came back. I didn’t get hit by a bus.

But now look: 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. is a 12-car pileup again, just like it was when the new president first moved in.

The beloved White House staff secretary turned out to be double-down wife beater. A senior presidential speechwriter was also fired for domestic abuse. Steve Bannon’s taking pot-shots again. Omarosa’s on "Big Brother." And, oh, the Dow just sank 2,000 points.

The No. 3 lawyer at the Justice Department has quit for a job at Wal-Mart — Wal-Mart! She was worried that another day in this administration could wreck her whole career. The acting boss of the Federal Railway Administration was fired for moonlighting as a flack for a Mississippi sheriff. And dozens of White House staffers, including the president’s son-in-law, can’t pass an FBI background check. They’re wandering around the West Wing with security badges stamped INTERIM, while the chief of staff pretends this is perfectly normal.

Speaking of John Kelly, he is about to be fired. Or maybe he’s not. Depends on what time it is and which old crony Trump just had on the phone. The retired Marine Corps general was supposed to bring order and sanity to the joint. Lately, all he’s brought is more confusion. Is hair-temper spouse Rob Porter “a man of true integrity and honor” or does the White House take domestic violence “very seriously”? Kelly can’t seem to decide, but his boss clearly has.

Though he expresses no sympathy for the battered ex-wives, he’s issued a glowing letter of reference to Porter’s future employers. Rageful Husband “did a very good job when he was in the White House,” Trump said. “We hope he has a wonderful career.”

Metro columnist Ellis Henican is the best-selling author of a dozen books including, most recently, “Trumpitude: The Secret Confessions of Donald’s Brain.” Join Ellis on Twitter @henican.