At last, we have found it: the final gasp of bipartisanship in Donald Trump’s Washington.
Out-of-control horniness doesn’t lean left, and it doesn’t lean right. It springs from red states and from blue. Democratic harassers and Republican perverts march arm-in-arm together on a jam-packed walk of shame.
John Conyers is only the latest to be accused. On Sunday, the veteran Democratic congressman, age 88½, was pressured into stepping down as ranking member of the House Judiciary Committee. “I very much look forward to vindicating myself and my family,” the mustachioed Michigander insisted as Nancy Pelosi bum-rushed him out of the oak-paneled committee room, and no one gave his denials any credence at all.
But Republicans had better not gloat. For every geezerly groper with a D by his name, there’s one with an R. That’s the balance of libido in Washington these days. Haven’t the R’s spent the past month explaining George H.W. Bush? Now 93, the wheelchair-bound ex-president has been on a multiyear, butt-squeezing tour across America, cracking one of the worst jokes that’s ever told: “Do you know who my favorite magician is? David Cop-a-Feel.”
Ugh! Is that Bush’s senility talking? Could one of Conyers’ famous backrubs calm everybody down? Maybe and no. But this much is for sure: From Washington to Hollywood and back again, they’re lining up in pairs like nothing since Noah’s Ark.
Roger Ailes and Harvey Weinstein.
Bill O’Reilly and Charlie Rose.
Al Franken and Joe Barton.
Kevin Spacey and Louis CK.
Sunday, you had to add high-flying Richard Branson. No doubt he’ll have a partner by Tuesday afternoon.
Okay, Roy Moore still stands alone in his particular perversity. The Ten Commandments judge now running for the U.S. Senate in Alabama is the only grown man (so far) accused of dating teenage girls. But even in that stinky quarter, the finger-waggers had better beware. At this particular moment in her-story, no man stands alone for long.
Just ask Donald Trump. It seemed he’d gotten away with his “Access Hollywood” boasting, caught on Billy Bush’s videotape. That was a year and a half ago. “When you’re a star, they let you do it,” he said. “You can do anything.”
Metro columnist Ellis Henican is the best-selling author of a dozen books, including “TRUMPITUDE: The Secret Confessions of Donald’s Brain,” which hits stores tomorrow via Post Hill Press. www.trumpitude.us.