Want to sound smart in 2018? Then don’t forget President Donald Trump’s 18 Shiny, Golden Rules. We (and he) learned every one of them the hard way.
1. There’s crazy like a fox, and then there’s just plain crazy. Mainly, it depends on the day.
2. Golf is a huge waste of time and energy … for all those other lazy presidents.
3. The early bird catches the tweet.
4. Alternate facts are better than real ones. Fake news is news I don’t like.
5. Surround yourself with really ugly people. You’ll seem better-looking that way.
6. Things can always get worse. Comey fired — will Mueller be next?
7. Don Jr., Eric, Invanka and Jared: best argument ever for anti-nepotism laws.
8. Our president really could shoot someone on Fifth Avenue. Just ask the 35 percent, the ones raising their hands to volunteer.
9. To know him is not to love him. Nowhere are Trump’s approval ratings lower than in his own hometown.
10. No one knew how complicated being president can be.
11. At some point, Republicans in Congress will turn on Trump. (You can laugh now.)
12. Who’s Paul Manafort? Never heard of him.
13. Like Fifth Avenue, loyalty is a one-way street.
14. Demean the FBI, the State Department, the CIA and the federal judiciary. Sometimes, they forget who’s president.
15. Watch eight hours of TV a day, ideally endless loops of “Fox & Friends.”
16. Deny everything. Then deny that you denied it.
17. What the hell is "covfefe," anyway? We still don’t know.
18. It’s the Trumpitude, stupid: that constantly swirling mix of swagger, self-delusion and straight-face lies that comprise the very essence of America’s 45th president.
Happy New Year!
Metro columnist Ellis Henican is the best-selling author of a dozen books, including "Trumpitude: The Secret Confessions of Donald’s Brain." Follow Ellis on Twitter @henican.