A DIFFERENT KIND OF JERSEY: There’s something faintly passive-aggressive about the programming the DIY Network, a U.S. cable channel, has come up with to compete with this coming weekend’s Super Bowl Sunday. According to a story in Broadcasting & Cable magazine, the crafting channel is holding a Knit-In, starting at 5 p.m. until 11p.m. that night, featuring a marathon of the show Knitty Gritty, hosted by self-proclaimed “crafty gRRRl” Vickie Howell. Howell will also blog on the network’s website, diynetwork.com, all afternoon and evening, while the Chicago Bears and the Indianapolis Colts battle it out at Dolphin Stadium.
I’ve always regarded knitting as one of the all-time greatest “silent scream” protests a woman can make against a man’s viewing habits; it requires just enough concentration to render anything playing on the TV — regardless of the screen size or general awesomeness of the surround sound system — a distraction being battled against. A woman sitting on the couch next to her husband or boyfriend, surrounded by knitting, a mug of tea at her elbow, is the equivalent of a sign language billboard saying “I’m here because I love you, not because I love” — a thrust of the chin at the hockey game or tank marathon on the Military Channel — “this.”
Just the existence of a knitting marathon at some point on the dial in a click’s proximity from the Super Bowl — which I’ve never watched, just in case you were going to ask — is sort of like finding your unfolded socks and underwear on your side of the bed when you come home really late after going out for “just a beer, I promise” with your buddies —- a plea to come up with something to make up for this. In other words, gents, you might want to consider surrendering the remote at some point during the week before or after Super Sunday and letting the little lady watch a Gilmore Girls box set, or a few hours of HGTV. And yes, you would be a total dick if you spent that whole time playing with a PSP on the other side of the couch.