People are always looking for instant love and romance. Take the new dating show that is set to premiere on Fox in early June called "The Choice," on which celebrity contestants will try to find their match in three quick rounds. That's a lot of judging and decision-making in a short amount of time. What if a celebrity makes the wrong fast choice and sends the possible love of his or her life away? And you don't have to be on television to make that mistake. In the real world, how can you know when to give someone a second chance?
So often after a mediocre first date people dismiss any possibility of a future with someone. He or she wasn't at all what you'd hoped: He spent most of the evening talking about his work, or she complained about her friends. And what about the clear lack of chemistry between you? You sat across the table, waiting to be released, figuring that you would never have to see that person again.
Might you be quashing the opportunity to become involved with someone who could actually be a partner with potential? Consider this: You have high hopes for a new restaurant and you can't wait to try their halibut. But the place is much more crowded than you expected, and your fish is burnt. Your first thought is that you will never go back. But there are many possible things at play: Maybe the chef was off that night, or maybe they had opening-month jitters. You may have an entirely different experience on a second visit.
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Along the same lines, it is hard to know if you will really like someone based on that first awkward meeting. You want there to be fireworks the minute you sit down. But chemistry is really a magic potion of many things that can't always be created during that first date. He or she might be shy and nervous, and, because of that, be inhibited and not act like himself or herself.
There are definitely times when you don't go for round two. Some examples include if your date is sloppy, or he or she spends the evening talking about the other women or men in the restaurant. But when it isn't so clear, if you can open your mind and let your expectations go, you might discover something you really like about the person that can take you to a great second date with room to continue.
I wonder if there will be a second-chance round in Fox's new show. Without it, will the decisions be the right ones? We might never know.
-- Relationship expert Dr. Jane Greer is creator of "Shrink Wrap" - national commentary on what we can learn from celebrity relationships - and host of "Let's Talk Sex" at Healthylife.net. Her book, "What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship," is available nationwide.
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