Good friends are like the family you choose. Friends’ significant others, on the other hand, are thrust upon you whether you like it or not.
A pal’s new beau can go from complete stranger to social circle staple in a matter of weeks. So what happens when a new boyfriend or girlfriend, who is suddenly around all the time, is kind of awful?
Someone who makes you seriously concerned for your friend’s emotional or physical well-being is one thing, these situations require immediate intervention. But sometimes our closest friends choose partners that, for whatever reason, we just don’t like. Maybe Mr. New Guy is incredibly loud and obnoxious, maybe he flirts a little too much with other girls or maybe he’s just a complete bore.
Unfortunately, there is no vetoing other people’s dating decisions. So what do you do when your friend starts sleeping with the enemy?
You can try to avoid hanging out with your gal pal whenever her personality-challenged new man is around, but there will inevitably be some occasions when you are obligated to share the same dinner table or taxi. You might not love him, but you do have to learn to tolerate him.
Maybe ask yourself if this is simply a case of no one is good enough for my best friend syndrome. Are you being a little too judgmental? Remember, you’re not the one dating him, she is. Just because he isn’t your cup of tea doesn’t mean he isn’t right for your friend. We all have different tastes.
But when a pal starts dating someone who is obviously heinous it’s usually safe to assume she has been blinded by a new romance fog. A haze of dinner dates and regular sex will cause even the most rational individuals to make bad decisions.
Even when you know better, it isn’t necessarily your place to say so. Unless the circumstances are extreme, meddling in a friend’s love life is very rarely a good idea.
Confronting her about your issues with her nightmare new man will likely put her on the defensive. If he really is that insufferable you’re better off letting her come to that realization on her own. In the meantime, suck it up and smile. You don’t have to be besties but you do have to be civil.
– Read more of Jessica Napier’s columns at www.metronews.ca/shesays
