We’ve never killed anyone. Never even thought about killing someone (unless you count the entire state of Connecticut a few weeks ago when we were stuck in insane traffic). It’s not something normal, sane human beings do or think about.

If we did kill someone, however, we certainly wouldn’t keep the murder weapon and then auction it off to the highest bidder. Especially if we murdered people in cold blood and then got away with it. Yet that is exactly what former NFL star O.J. Simpson is doing.

According to a report on RadarOnline, Simpson is trying to negotiate a deal for the knife that killed his ex-wife, Nicole, and her lover. The asking price is $5 million.

“It’s not just about the money. O.J. will get a sick satisfaction from putting one over on the cops and Ron Goldman’s family. He’d love to think he’s outsmarted them,” a source told the Enquirer via RadarOnline.

Wow. Wow. Wow. That is all.

Thank you, Miami

As rumors of Alex Rodriguez playing in Miami next season continue to swirl, we decided to focus in on that glorious, hedonistic mecca by the beach. Tryouts for the Miami Spice were held last weekend. It’s a newly-formed basketball league for women — for those not talented enough to cut it in the WNBA.

Oh yeah, did we mention these lovely ladies are wearing bikinis? No? OK, well, they are. Somewhere Mitt Romney just puked (or jotted notes down in his binder) and A-Rod inquired about season tickets. Luckily for everyone the Miami New Times was there to capture everything …

We’re not in New Jersey anymore

John Wall is a basketball player for the Washington Wizards. He is 22 years old. He is an expert at doing the Dougie. Apparently, his musical stylings end there.

Wall admitted Wednesday night that he had never heard of Jon Bon Jovi. The rocker was sitting courtside at the Wizards’ exhibition game and Wall had no clue.

When asked about it after the game, Wall said: “Who’s that? I never heard of him.”

This sort of thing might fly in D.C. where politics reign and they have a hard time selling out playoff baseball games. Up the Northeast corridor — say New Jersey? New York? Philadelphia? — this would be (in the words of Kanye West) bad, real bad, Michael Jackson.