Remember the TV show "Win Ben Stein's Money"? If you don't, it was hosted by a young Jimmy Kimmel and ... well, I'm bored writing about "Win Ben Stein's Money."
Let's talk, instead, about Warren Buffett's money and his "offer" to pay out A BILLION dollars to someone who fills out the perfect NCAA tournament bracket. Considering that there are no documented cases of anyone ever filling out a perfect March Madness bracket, and that BusinessInsider.com recently wrote that the chances of picking perfect bracket are 1 in 9,223,372,036,854,775,808, we can safely tell Buffett to take his billion and shove it. Seriously, why not just offer up a billion-dollar reward for the severed head of the Loch Ness Monster or the broom of Liza Minnelli? It'd be the exact same thing. Or, better yet, Warren, why don't you just give everyone a stipend of your earnings this March? We could all use an extra Ben Franklin this time of year to, ya know, gamble away in an NCAA tournament bracket we actually think we can win.
Of course I am going to fill out about 122 of these Buffett brackets the second the Selection Show Sunday night ends because: 1. I'm a hypocrite, and 2. Because, hey, YA NEVA KNOW!!!!
Here's how to sign up for Buffett's billion, for you dreamers:
1. Go to QuickenLoansBracket.com.
2. Create a Yahoo! account (or use your own, of course).
3. Pick your teams once the field is announced.
Simple stuff, though if you would like to read through Quicken Loans' rules, give yourself an extended lunch break (say, between five and six hours) to devour the legal copy.
Follow Metro Boston sports editor and columnist Matt Burke on Twitter @BurkeMetroBOS