Justin Bieber and 19-year-old tennis star Genie Bouchard will be dating soon. And by "dating," I mean that Justin Bieber will do push-ups in front of Genie Bouchard, make fun of her tennis friends and tennis in general, have sex with her, dump her via Twitter, have sex with Selena Gomez, get kicked out of a club after the DJ won't adhere to his request for a loop of early 1900s ragtime, spit on paparazzi and then do more push-ups. He will also do all of this in the span of an average American workday.
In case you've been living under a rock that doesn't get E! or a solid WiFi connection, you know that Genie Bouchard - a fellow Canadian by the way - admitted to a stunned Australian Open audience this week that her dream date is Justin Bieber.
Bieber, of course, responded Wednesday night, just an hour or so before Bouchard's match against Na Li, by Tweeting " @geniebouchard good luck :) ."
It was as simple yet creepy a message as a 19-year-old pop star can tweet out to a 19-year-old sports star, yes. But for Biebs to not cash in on this layup would simply be a disservice to men everywhere. Sometimes things in life just much too much sense.
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Follow Metro Boston sports editor Matt Burke on Twitter @BurkeMetroBOS