John Mazerolle

Agree to disagree with A HOCKEY HERO

As a Boston Bruins fan this might just be the Stanley Cup champagne talking, but it’s possible I’m the only left-leaning person who’s OK with goaltender Tim Thomas showing he also likes to play right wing.In case you’re exhibiting concussion-like symptoms and don’t know what I’m talking about: The...

Thursday, January 26, 2012, 7:30 PM

Tories’ noses may be a little out of joint

The Liberal Party has gone to pot — and I like it.The Grits, their popularity up in smoke, have decided to nip the problem in the bud by legalizing marijuana.There. Now that I’ve got every marijuana pun out of the way, I can say that the Liberals’ recent decision to add pot decriminalization to its...

Thursday, January 19, 2012, 7:30 PM

Thinking of penning a novel? Read this first

Over the years, I’ve grown accustomed to adoring fans complimenting my writing.“I saw your picture in the paper,” they’ll say. Or: “You look familiar, do you work at my Starbucks?”With compliments like that, it’s amazing my headshot doesn’t swell right out of the frame.But years of headshot viewers...

Thursday, January 12, 2012, 7:30 PM

Of mice and the man who loves them

I think I love the mouse in my apartment.It’s not the love between a man and a woman, exactly, because I don’t know its gender. But it feels right.It is a forbidden love, frowned upon by the world, and it is a love brought about by fate: Of all the drywall joints in all the townhouses in all the...

Thursday, January 5, 2012, 7:30 PM

’Tis the season to shop till you (literally) drop

Now that Santa Claus parades have passed, snow has fallen and stores have entered their seventh exciting week of Christmas music, I think it’s safe to talk shopping.Not that there’s anything safe about it.The starting gun for holiday shopping is “Black Friday,” though few Americans would use...

Thursday, December 1, 2011, 7:30 PM

‘15 seconds to curtain’ love affair

It’s time to get things started, so let’s discuss: Why does my generation find the Muppets’ return so celebrational?My workplace has been so overrun with Muppet talk lately that one boss said he wouldn’t take part in any more conversations unless they were Muppet-free. Embracing our good fortune,...

Thursday, November 24, 2011, 7:30 PM

True test of counterfeit bills is in the scent

Welcome to the Bank of Canada’s public-awareness campaign designed to help Canadians learn about the newly unveiled $100 bills and how to spot counterfeit cash.Let’s begin.It’s important to note that, according to the RCMP, the number of seized counterfeit bills in Canada has dropped dramatically...

Thursday, November 17, 2011, 7:30 PM

Change the pitch of your learning curve

This time of year can be stressful for students, especially those who foolishly become preoccupied with pointless extracurricular activities, such as studying.It seems calm — midterms gone, a few weeks to term finals — but I remember this as the moment you had time to contemplate that you were...

Thursday, November 10, 2011, 7:30 PM

Jails are a lot like coffee shops — or they should be

Attention, readers who value their lives: You are in danger! While you read this innocuous-looking sentence (don’t be fooled!), criminals could be violating your home, office or body.That’s because crime is everywhere.It’s in Canadian downtowns, uptowns, upper downtowns, downer uptowns, suburbs,...

Thursday, November 3, 2011, 7:30 PM

Confession: I have a thing for the gop

The U.S. has been a beacon for millions of people, but I’m probably the only person who’s ever wanted to head there because of Republican presidential debates.Yes, America’s Grand Old Party is calling and I’m starting to listen.Now before you have me maple-syruped and feathered, let me be clear: I...

Thursday, October 27, 2011, 7:30 PM

#occupy this column

This official statement was voted on and approved by the general assemblies of protesters from various Occupy movements across North America and the globe.• We write so that all people who feel wronged by the powers-that-be can know that we are your allies. #OccupyWallStreet• They have taken our...

Thursday, October 20, 2011, 7:30 PM

Travelling gets this guy flushed

It says something about my lack of recent globetrotting that I’m really looking forward to discovering some strange bathrooms.I’ll explain that in a second, but let it be known I’ve been stuck on this continent for five long years. In my 20s I had extended stays in Austria, Zimbabwe and New Zealand...

Thursday, October 13, 2011, 7:30 PM

Let’s talk about birds and bees

Listen up, parents. It’s time you had a frank discussion with your children about — well, you know, doin’ it.My province is in election mode and sex education became a topic during the campaign, thus proving those “SEX! Now that I’ve got your attention…” campaign signs my fellow students used in...

Thursday, October 6, 2011, 7:30 PM

Now that’s using your head

I don’t know whether it’s good that most of the buzz heading into the new NHL season is that the league is actually punishing players when they attempt to decapitate each other.I’m glad the league is enforcing its rulebook, but it feels like applauding your neighbourhood restaurant because they’ve...

Thursday, September 29, 2011, 7:30 PM

Listen, you don’t want to upset this teacher

Hi, kids! I’m here to talk to your class about teachers because they’re important people to ... HEY! SHUT UP AND LISTEN!I’m not a teacher, so I can say that. So no talking, eyes front, iPhones on vibrate, safety on all weapons.Teachers change your life, kids. They help burst the protective bubble...

Thursday, September 22, 2011, 7:30 PM

Bachelorhood, with cherry juice on top

I’m relinquishing my bachelorhood status — time to hand in my Green (Mould) Card and move on to the next stage of life, whatever that is. Struggling artiste, perhaps. Or political ideologue.Don’t get me wrong. I like the bachelor life — the hours are good and the benefits (e.g., reading entire...

Thursday, September 15, 2011, 7:30 PM

Parenting, without the chloroform

When I was a kid, I could tell back-to-school time was here when we weren’t allowed to eat.Can of pop? “That’s for lunches.” Yogurt? “Lunches.” Bacon and eggs? “Lunches.” If I remember correctly, all we were allowed at home was a box of baking soda and the occasional Milk Bone.I don’t have any...

Thursday, September 8, 2011, 7:30 PM

University 101: A course of misdirection

Another university year is beginning, so post-secondary students are about to learn important “life lessons” that will stay with them long after they’ve forgotten what Pi is (it’s a number).So that I might save you from the high cost of tuition, books, and 55 metric tonnes of Mr. Noodles, here they...

Thursday, September 1, 2011, 7:30 PM

A plea to stop a cycle of abuse

Now that I’ve been a cyclist for a few months, I know the group of people on Earth I hate most are other cyclists.My disdain for my two-wheeled counterparts falls somewhere between Libyans’ hatred of Gadhafi and New Democrats’ hatred of Christie Blatchford (a tight squeeze, I know). But it’s true:...

Thursday, August 25, 2011, 7:30 PM

How to be a better barfly

I have a no-nonsense, well organized office in my apartment that looks like a place where work gets done. It looks that way because nobody uses it. I think about it while I drink beer in my neighbourhood bar.I am a barfly. Wherever I’ve lived, a bar has been my second home. The current pub is where...

Thursday, August 18, 2011, 7:30 PM