Nate Jones

Early humans had sex with literally everything (UPDATED)

We already knew early human beings were horny opportunists who wouldn't let a little facial hair keep them from a little inter-species Neanderthal lovin'. Now, however, scientists are beginning to speculate that our ancestors' standards were even lower than previously assumed.According to new...

Wednesday, July 8, 2015, 9:34 PM

What if every Olympic sport were photographed like beach volleyball?

We were browsing Getty Images last week for images of Olympic beach volleyball when we came upon something interesting.And by "interesting," we mean "kind of gross."Check out these results:This got us thinking: What if all Olympic sports were photographed this way? We decided to find out.Follow...

Wednesday, August 1, 2012, 7:04 PM

Who is Eddie Robinson? Only the new most winningest coach in college football history

With the NCAA stripping former Penn State coach Joe Paterno of his wins from 1998 to 2011, Eddie Robinson of Grambling State has become the most winningest coach in college football history. Wait, who's Eddie Robinson?Robinson was the longtime coach of the Tigers of Grambling State University, a...

Monday, July 23, 2012, 3:05 PM

Ray Kelly: Colorado shooting suspect used red hair paint to look like 'The Joker'

UPDATE: NYPD Commission Ray Kelly told reporters in a press conference Friday that suspected Colorado shooter James Holmes was using red hair paint to look like the iconic "Batman" villain "The Joker.""We have some information, most of it is public. It clearly looks like a deranged individual. He...

Friday, July 20, 2012, 3:09 PM

Should Penn State take down the Joe Paterno statue?

Since 2001, a seven-foot-tall bronze statue of Joe Paterno has stood outside Penn State's Beaver stadium, showing the coach triumphantly leading the Nittany Lions on to the gridiron. The statue fit with Paterno's legend in Happy Valley: A goodhearted and decent leader of men, who inspired not only...

Thursday, July 12, 2012, 4:26 PM

You are definitely going to click on this story about Cookie Monster singing 'Call Me Maybe'

There are many different kinds of traffic-bait. There's the "Kate Upton dancing" traffic-bait, the "LOL hipsters!" traffic-bait, the "Can you believe what Mitt Romney just said?" traffic-bait, and so on and so on.And then there's this video of Cookie Monster and the rest of the "Sesame Street" gang...

Tuesday, July 10, 2012, 5:50 PM

Horrible weather may ruin your Fourth of July

Nearly 1.4 million homes and businesses in the eastern United States remained without power amid a heat wave on Tuesday, and storm damage forced many Fourth of July celebrations to be canceled.Violent weekend storms and days of record heat have killed at least 22 people in the United States since...

Tuesday, July 3, 2012, 8:43 PM

What should we call smartphones, now that no one actually uses them as phones?

In the past week, I've used my Android smartphone to make ten moves in Words with Friends, draw seven tiny pictures in Draw Something, send 33 text messages and scam on innumerable amounts of women on OKCupid. The amount of times I've used it to call someone? Three.That falls in line with the...

Monday, July 2, 2012, 5:51 PM

Anderson Cooper comes out: 'I'm gay and I always have been'

Anderson Cooper's sexuality has been the subject of rumors for years, but that speculation came to an end Monday morning when the CNN anchor came out in an email to the Daily Beast's Andrew Sullivan.Cooper had refused to comment publicly on his sexual orientation, but the fact that he was gay was...

Monday, July 2, 2012, 4:52 PM

Supreme Court health care decision gets the hysterical front page it deserves

The Biggest Supreme Court Decision Of All Time was handed down from on high today, as the justices ruled 5-4 to uphold nearly the entirety of the Affordable Care Act.In honor of the Court's decision (and the hype surrounding it), we've edited our favorite Onion front page to give the news the...

Thursday, June 28, 2012, 3:24 PM

PHOTOS: Inside Manhattan's historic Music Building

What do you do when you're a garage band without a garage?That's the dilemma that plagues many up-and-coming New York City bands, drawn to the city by its vibrant music scene but left without access to easy rehearsal space due to its hellish real-estate market.For more than thirty years, that need...

Friday, June 22, 2012, 6:17 PM

Mitt Romney's Wawa gaffe and the perils of swing states

A video of Mitt Romney describing his fascination with Wawa stores has been making the rounds this week, particularly among people already disinclined to be charitable to the Republican nominee. In it, the former Massachusetts governor speaks about the convenience chain in a manner akin to a child...

Monday, June 18, 2012, 8:53 PM

How a fact becomes a meme: The story of George Bush's head on 'Game of Thrones'

The producers of HBO fantasy epic "Game of Thrones" found themselves on their heels this week, after news that one of the severed heads on display in the show's first season was actually a prosthetic likeness of former president George W. Bush went viral. (They apologized today.) The storm of...

Thursday, June 14, 2012, 7:25 PM

A comprehensive list of everything that could go wrong if you try to jump between subway platforms

Below, a comprehensive list of everything that could go wrong if you try to jump between subway platforms:1. You could be hit in midair by a passing train.2. You could fail the jump, and get electrocuted to death by the third rail.3. You could fail the jump, get stunned by the third rail, and get...

Monday, June 11, 2012, 7:06 PM

What does New York City have to do to reclaim the world's most expensive pizza?

New York City became the official home to the most expensive burger in the world last week, with Seredipity 3's "La Burger Extravagant," a $295 monstrosity made with two types of truffles, topped by a fried quail egg and served on a gold-dusted bun. This is, of course, the way the world should work...

Tuesday, May 29, 2012, 9:16 PM

This is what coming back to New York after Memorial Day feels like

Ah, Memorial Day! A time to leave the city, spend quality time with your loved ones and generally just relax.But every vacation must come to an end, and every New Yorker must eventually return home to this stressful hellhole we love so much.We snapped this picture last week, but personally, we...

Tuesday, May 29, 2012, 3:11 PM

If you went to these Duane Reades, your credit card info may have been stolen

Would you like some scams with your Sunchips? If you went to two downtown Duane Reade stories this winter, your credit card information may be at risk.Employees at the 200 Water Street and 636 Broadway stories were found to have scanned customer credit cards illegally between October 2011 and...

Friday, May 25, 2012, 9:49 PM

Marty Markowitz hung out with Tony Danza at Coney Island today

It's good to be the prez.Brookyln Borough President Marty Markowitz was at Coney Island today to celebrate the summer re-opening of the beach and cut the ribbon on two new rides, Boardwalk Flight and Coney Island Raceway.By all accounts the occasion was the usual local government stuff, but it did...

Thursday, May 24, 2012, 9:01 PM

Want to work in Jose Garces' restaurant, but don't want to be paid? Become a 'culinary intern'!

We're often asked by Boomers, "Why are so many kids today unemployed and living with their parents? Why can't they just get jobs, like we did?" There are many good answers to that question, but here's ours: Because all the jobs you got paid for, we're expected to do for free. Unpaid internship are...

Friday, May 18, 2012, 8:31 PM

What would a 'black metrosexual Abe Lincoln' look like?

It's silly season in American politics, when everyone gets together and circlejerks about how bad the other side's ideas are. Today is no exception, because get a load of the latest campaign plan from Republican donor Joe Ricketts (via the Times):A group of high-profile Republican strategists is...

Thursday, May 17, 2012, 7:00 PM