Paul Sullivan

Just so we’re clear — they’re cats

OK, class, today’s question:How did we get from seeing eye dogs to emotional support animals?Air Canada is trying to figure out how to accommodate people who insist on taking their cats on the plane and at the same time protect people who are allergic to cats.They forgot to ask me, but the answer...

Wednesday, January 25, 2012, 5:30 AM

The worst is behind us

We should get a medal.On it should be: “I survived Blue Monday.”If you’re reading this, it’s confirmed: you survived what is held to be the most depressing day of the year.There’s even a formula for those who don’t automatically buy the idea that the third Monday in January is the most depressing...

Wednesday, January 18, 2012, 5:34 AM

Four Marines who missed the potty-training seminar

It’s going to be a jam-packed year, as we have to get it all in before the world ends on Dec. 21.So let’s get started with this week’s Metro List, the authoritative compendium of what’s goin’ on:1. PR nightmare: Four U.S. Marines are caught urinating on dead Taliban with extreme prejudice. Once...

Friday, January 13, 2012, 5:30 AM

Fat chance for ministry of childhood obesity

What’s the matter with kids today?Well, they’re fat and getting fatter. According to the Canadian Childhood Obesity Foundation, 26 per cent of the little darlings between the ages of two and 17 are overweight or obese.In 1978, the number was 15 per cent, so the problem is getting heavier, so to...

Wednesday, January 11, 2012, 5:34 AM

Hey Bill, what’s your beef?

It happens every year about this time.When I’m asleep, someone sneaks into the bedroom and switches all my clothes for a size smaller, then removes the perfectly good mirror hanging on the wall and replaces it with one of those funhouse mirrors that make you look fatter than you really are.I’m not...

Wednesday, January 4, 2012, 8:30 PM

Low consumer confidence easy to swallow with bacon jam

Think you’re hip to the hottest consumer trends?Well, unless you’re all over spreadable bacon, My Little Pony, Honey Badger and Pickle Juice, you are nowhere, my friend.Time to go to school, fool.Ad Age, the bible of Madison Avenue, released its annual list of 25 hottest brands Monday, and along...

Wednesday, November 30, 2011, 8:30 PM

Watch yourself, now everyone else can too

There was a time that if you wanted to stand naked on your patio, only the guy with the binoculars across the street would catch you in the act.These days, thanks to Google Street View, everyone gets to look.Just ask the woman in Miami who today finds that her naked foray onto her back stoop,...

Wednesday, November 23, 2011, 8:30 PM

Can’t buy me love but it can get me an old tooth

Imagine the world is crazy.It’s easy if you try.In fact, the world is now crazier than anything John Lennon could imagine when he wrote that song.For example, Lennon probably never imagined that an Alberta dentist would pay $31,200 for his rotten, tartar–infested molar at an auction.The tooth in...

Wednesday, November 9, 2011, 8:30 PM

My protest will last longer than Kim’s marriage

That’s it.I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore.Today, the news wires are clogged with the pathetic denouement of the Kardashian marriage. Kim, famous for nothing, dissolved her $10-million wedding 72 days after she and collateral damage Kris Humphries collected a cool $17.8 million...

Wednesday, November 2, 2011, 8:30 PM

Ward off the common survey

It’s confirmed.The world is a dirty, messy, germ-infested place.A survey released yesterday by the Kleenex people (who else?) measures the extent of the contamination.It’s everywhere: 71 per cent of gas pump handles, 43 per cent of escalator rails, 41 per cent of ATM buttons and 40 per cent of...

Wednesday, October 26, 2011, 8:30 PM

Lions and tigers and arab rulers

Is it just me, or does the world get weirder by the week?Consider the following evidence, as we assemble this week’s zeitgeist, item by item:1. Moammar Gadhafi: It’s been a bad year for jihadists and despots: Mubarak, bin Laden and now the terrorist clown (or is that clown terrorist?) gets his. 2....

Friday, October 21, 2011, 5:30 AM

To infinity and beyond

Space really is the final frontier — for tourists at least.If you’re forced to stifle yawns at the prospect of yet another visit to the all-inclusive Budget Paradise Cancun, wake up! In the next five years, according to delegates to this week’s National Symposium for Personal and Commercial...

Wednesday, October 19, 2011, 8:30 PM

What will germinate in your capsule?

I’m not sure what bacteriologist Edward Durham was thinking back in 1897 when he put a vial of intestinal bacteria in a time capsule, but whatever it was, he should have thought it over.Not only do we have to worry about new diseases from birds and barnyard animals, now they’re coming at us from...

Wednesday, October 12, 2011, 8:30 PM

Nobody’s right if everybody’s wrong

“There’s somethin’ happenin’ here. What it is ain’t exactly clear.”That’s the opening line from the most famous protest song of the ‘60s, Buffalo Springfield’s For What It’s Worth. It was written by Stephen Stills, who went on to Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young fame, and then went on to become old...

Wednesday, October 5, 2011, 8:30 PM

A torture apologist and a traffic obstructor

Yesterday, at the end of a long day of strategic communications, the usual route home was blocked by police barriers, the sort of thing traffic reporters call a “police incident,” a long, unexplained delay leading to gridlock.The barriers, it turned out, were for former U.S. vice-president Dick...

Wednesday, September 28, 2011, 8:30 PM

Everybody knows it’s all going to the dogs

It’s that time of the week again, when we bring you the Metro List, the world’s most authoritative review of hot topics around the water cooler:1. REM disbands after 31 years as the rock critics’ darlings. What else is there to do after losing your religion? Everybody hurts.2. Meanwhile Neil Young...

Friday, September 23, 2011, 10:35 PM

Ginger-sperm ban turning some heads

Redheads are special.I know. I’ve been married to one for 33 years come Oct. 6. They’re fiery, fierce, funny and fantastic. The air crackles as they walk down the street. Some even come with an added bonus: freckles. I defy anyone to resist the charms of a fat-faced, green-eyed, red-headed moppet...

Wednesday, September 21, 2011, 8:30 PM

100 acres of infidelity

Quick quiz: Who is the most admired person on Earth, living or dead? If your list starts with Martin Luther King Jr., you get the kewpie doll. For example, in a recent survey of 2,000 U.S. high school students, Dr. King was No. 1 above Benjamin Franklin and even Oprah, the only living admirable...

Wednesday, September 14, 2011, 8:30 PM

Awaiting Earth's inevitable hiccup

Did the earth move?It moved all right. The earthquake happened Friday at 12:42 p.m., a relatively strong 6.4 on the Richter scale, 80 kilometres off Port Alice on the west coast of Vancouver Island.It was strong enough to break a few dishes, cause a few cracks, wobble a few Vancouver skyscrapers...

Monday, September 12, 2011, 8:30 PM

The lessons of September 11, ten years on

Today, 10 years after, we still live in a 9-11 world.It’s a world of diminished expectations, a world darkened by fear and shadows.But it’s also a world with a few surprises up its sleeve.The mastermind of 9-11, Osama bin Laden, is dead. You could argue that the War on Terror is over.And Muslim...

Friday, September 9, 2011, 4:11 AM