Bryan Abasolo won Rachel Lindsay’s heart on the finale of “The Bachelorette.” We do not approve because, real talk? Bryan is the worst.
Rachel is charming, incredibly intelligent, and straight up stunning. Her ability to gracefully handle all of the awkward situations she’s constantly put in is impressive, to say the least.
And it looked like Rachel could do no wrong. But then, she picked Bryan — the skeevy one with the overbearing mother — over beautiful gap-toothed salt and pepper fox Peter, and beautiful, charming, gorgeous Eric. Girl, what?
Here’s why the bilingual chiropractor from Miami was the wrong choice — from the moment Rachel gave him the first impression rose.
He says “mwah” every time he kisses her on the cheek.
Why is onomatopoeia necessary? It makes the whole interaction seem childish and insincere.
He pulls out an unnaturally deep and sexy voice whenever he speaks Spanish.
Like when he says, in Spanish, “I wanted to tell you that you look spectacular this evening, and I cannot wait to get to know you better.” But he then proceeds to drop the voice and look at her with a cheeky face, “Did you get all that?” No thanks!
In the first episode, he went so far as to give her “brownie points” for understanding some of his Spanish.
This is just a matter of rules-of-war: it is you who should be vying for her brownie points, sir. She doesn’t need your approval, she’s already perfect. Also? She’s the dang Bachelorette!
The time he asked, “Have you ever dated a Colombian?”
It’s kind of distasteful to ask about the ethnicities of someone’s previous partners. And to make it worse, when she responds that she hasn’t, he tells her multiple times: “Oh girl, you in trouble.” What does that even mean?
He consumes her whole face whenever he kisses her.
Like a dementor sucking the soul out of a beautiful and innocent Muggle. It’s pretty rude.
Two words: His mother.
Who jokes about killing Rachel. Seriously.