Royalty, religion, and reality TV - Metro US

Royalty, religion, and reality TV

This week, the 3 Rs: Royalty, religion, and reality TV

1. Vocal eyes:
I took a slight interest in the debut of The Voice this week. Now I have ignited the curiosity that will dictate my whereabouts every Tuesday night for the rest of the season. Damn you, Christina Aguilera!

2. Sensory overload
So here’s my new schedule: Monday night is Dancing With The Stars, but I have to tune in Tuesday for the results, right before watching The Voice. Wednesday is American Idol, which has its results air Thursday. During commercials, I check the NHL and NBA playoffs, but under extreme pressure (from my wife) to return quickly for fear of missing one of Bruno Tonioli’s golden metaphors that may or may not pertain to dance. To add to my frustration, Rogers’ digital PVR does not allow us to record more than two shows at once, and you have to be watching one of them! I CAN’T TAKE THIS PRESSURE! Thank God it’s Friday.

3. NBA playoffs
Hey, remember when Canada had two NBA teams? Well, the Vancouver Grizzlies are now in Memphis (and retained the name Grizzlies, which makes no sense, although they may have a grizzly at the Memphis zoo). The Grizzlies have surprised everyone by going toe-to-toe with the best team in the west, the San Antonio Spurs. Can we have them back now, please?

4. NHL playoffs:
My impression of Habs fans this week: “Oh yeah! … Yes! … What? Noo!! Wait … maybe … Nope. Go Canucks!”

5. Royal wedding
Earlier this week, I saw a show called A Royal Wedding on TLC, where I watched experts speak for 15 minutes about the makings of the “royal cake” for the upcoming royal nuptials. I then proceeded to the royal biker bar to get someone to royally punch me in the head.

6. Miss Fortune
Lindsay Lohan did some time again last week for the jewelry theft that violated her 2007 probation for drunk driving. She was sentenced to 120 days in jail and 480 hours community service, but was released on bail pending an appeal. Her parents were not present since they had tickets to see Charlie Sheen’s Torpedo Of Truth show.

7. “So let it be written”
Ask anyone who their favourite bible hero is, and Moses and Jesus come a close second to Charlton Heston. Easter weekend is his “royalties Super Bowl” with repeated broadcasts of The Ten Commandments and The Greatest Story Ever Told. It’s hard to resist such profound biblical dialogue.

“… to be stripped of spirit, and hope, and strength, only because they are of another race, another creed … If there is a God, he did not mean this to be so.”

It reminds me of a classic George Carlin routine where he offers clarification of the following commandment:

“Thou shalt try real hard not to kill anyone, unless, of course, they pray to a different invisible avenger than the one you pray to.”

Good night. I’ll be here all weekend.

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