If you haven’t heard the news, SantaCon won’t be happening in Bushwick this year.
So as an alternative to their annual New Yok City bar crawl Metro has come up with a more international route featuring some of the worlds sleeziest bars.
Here’s the route:
1) Idlewild Wine Bar, JFK Airport, New York
Our SantaCon revelers need to pre-game before their big international journey of debauchery and horribleness. So why not get sloshed in the most horrible bar in one the most stressful places ever? Idlewild Wine Bar has a lovely rating of one and a half stars on Yelp and features Wine (we hope), beer, and according to one Yelper “sh*tacular service.”
We thought that we’d start off our SantaCon route with a classy bar so that our revelers could have a fond memory to look back on as they trudge their way around the world in some the seediest bars we could find. A Metro staffer personally suggested this bar, we’re not sure what business he had in Nairobi, but we’ll take his word for it as a place our SantaCon bros should check out.
Who the hell wants to go to Greenland? No one. That’s why SantaCon revelers should go to what might be the only bar in all of Greenland (it likely isn’t). This bar has all the makings of a Bushwick or East Village bar, just all the way in the most remote part of the world.
4) Everest Kafe, Omsk, Russia
Google “What is the seediest bar in Russia” and the top result you’ll get is Everest Kafe in the small russian town of Omsk, Russia. For the straggling SantaCon participants who have drunkly made it half way through this route, many sights will be waiting for them. Some of these very NSFW sights however may scar them for life and throw them into a sprial from which they will never return.
5) Hong-Kong Bar, Copenhagen, Denmark
Up next is a place one of our Metro staffers personally suggested. Our staffer insisted that our Santa Con revelers would love this spot which is according to one website, “utterly sleazy and completely charming.” Sounds like a place you could catch a good drunk among other things.
6)Blindazh (The Bunker), Kiev, Ukraine
Second to last stop! Described by one website as being a great place “to hide out for planning the next military coup,” thisbasementdive bar in the troubled city of Kiev willdefinitelybe a challenge for SantaCon participants to survive. What’s the bars specialty? Well, according to lonelyplanet.com one should ordera ‘Boromirovka” which is a coctail of an energy drink, tonic and 14 shots of vodka that’s “served in an old metal pail.”Atleastthey will be pretty plastered.
7) Christmas Island, Indian Ocean
For the lucky few that survived this harrowing trip of inibriation they will wash ashore this tiny island in the Indian Ocean (if they make the swim from Ukraine). We imagine that upon seeing the arrival of these drunk, exhausted and still belligerent Santas the few residents of this island will flee. Happy SantaCon 2014, bros!